I got just what I needed. . .

This week has been a rather trying week for me. I was away all weekend which left me unprepared for my school week ahead. I had an exam, a quiz and an oral recitation with my Professor, all Monday morning, all of which I was not prepared for. Monday sucked. Tuesday I felt defeated all day, I was tired, unfocused at school and exhausted by my son all day after school. Today started off okay, my son had a good morning and didn't cry any tears when I left him with my sister. On the way to school, for some reason I just had a huge wave of mom guilt come over me. I felt guilty that I was leaving my son again (5 days a week now for about 3 hours a day), and for what reason? I didn't feel like I was doing well in my classes and to be honest I haven't really started to care about them like I did last year and all summer. When a Darius Rucker song came on the radio (It wont be like this for long) I lost it. I just started crying like a silly little girl, all because I was feeling guilty and defeated.

Sometimes God gives me exactly what I needed.

I get to class A to find I got 100 percent on both my quiz and my oral recitation only to get to class B to see that I got a very nice B on the exam (which I didn't study for because I was partying with family all weekend).

Okay, technically I gave myself what I needed, I don't think God spoke to my professors and told them to change my grade, but you get the point.

The guilt often gets to me, I never want to leave my son for my own good, I don't want to leave him with babysitters all the time. He is my son and I want to raise him. I struggle with this every time I leave the house to drive to my college. When I feel like I'm not doing the best I can it is even harder to deal with. Today reminded me that I am good at this college thing, I am smart, I can do well and it will be worth it. When I have my degree and have options, a back up plan if God forbid I ever need it. I know that when my son is grown he wont remember the days that I left him with a sitter between the age of four months to two years old, but he will be proud of me for finishing school and taking care of him at the same time.

It also helps that today marks exactly eight months until my perspective graduation day. Eight months. As my dear friend, Kristin, told me yesterday "just remember back to when you first started and 8 months will seem like a piece of cake :)." She is so right. A year ago I was only three weeks into my first semester back at school, I was intimidated and terrified, I knew I would fail and hate myself for it. I didn't fail. I stuck to it. With the help of my husband and a few other incredible people I have stuck to this whole going back to school thing and I am almost done.

Eight more months and I get to hang up the student hat for good, and God willing be a Stay at Home Mom!