Moments

Throughout my 2+ years of being a mother I have had these moments, moments where I realize something big, or really have an instance of taking it all in. Whether it be the moment that I realized I truly could not live with out my son, that the little baby in the back of the car, not even two feet away wasn't close enough, and that I missed him. I had that moment a little late, I didn't have the instant "gotta have him" bond that many women experience immediately after giving birth. I loved my little baby with all my heart, but I was in survival mode, with no friends or family coming to help out in the early weeks. My husband and I were just surviving. He was about three months old when I had that moment of "oh my gosh this is my baby and I love him to the moon and back, I'm never going on another car ride again because I miss him while he is in the back seat."

I have had moments, as he has gotten bigger of realizing that all too soon he will be big, grown up, and not need me. In those moment I feel so grateful because it allows me to truly appreciate how much I love him, and how lucky I am to be his mom.

I am lucky to be his mom. Anyone with child(ren) is lucky to have that responsibility/love.

I keep thinking that as he gets older those moments will stop, lessen or become unnoticeable to me. So far they haven't, and I am surprised when they appear. Just today, as I was telling Danny a story right before he fell asleep at naptime I had one of those moments. As I was telling him all about the wheels on the bus he began to drift off, but not before taking my finger, putting it to my lips for me and saying "shh."

I don't know what it was about that, but it just melted my heart. As I looked at his sweet little face, drifting off to sleep, I couldn't believe how much I love him, and how much I continue to love him, more and more with each and every passing day. All of the little things that he does and says just melt my heart. It still amazes me, when he is crying and upset after a punishment (that I gave him) how he still wants me to be the one to make it better. If I put him in time out, he still wants to put his head on my shoulder and cry till he feels better. He wants me to make it better, even when I'm the one who caused it*. What incredible love that is! We always hear about the love that a mother has for her children, but how incredible is it, the love that they have for us!

I adore my little boy, no matter how crazy he can be, no matter how naughty he can be at times, and no matter how many times he bites me, he is my whole heart and soul, and I am so lucky to be his mom.

*Not really, it was his bad behavior, but you know. . .