Mom Guilt!!

We all know that I suffer from Mom Guilt, I have written about it before. Well, it seems silly to me that in learning from my mistakes, or just evolving as a person that I am still beating myself up over decisions that I made with Danny, that I know better or have decided to change with this baby girl.

I am cloth diapering the new baby, I haven't completed my stash, but it is getting there. I am VERY, VERY excited about this. The diapers are so cute, and I love the idea of not having chemicals all over my baby's butt, as well as saving money. It dawned on me recently that I could cloth wipe, too. After talking to my mom squad, I decided to give it a go. I plan to buy some official cloth wipes, but I also plan on using the cheap wash cloths that Target sells in the baby section. I bought a few packs today. I can't get over how excited I am about diapers/poop right now. The life of a mom. . .

I kind of felt like a heel, though. When I was buying the wash cloths and realized how happy I am about this decision, I couldn't help but think "why didn't I do this with Danny?"

I mean, logistically I couldn't have done it with Danny. We were moving around, didn't have a lot of extra space until he was ten months old, and he was taken care of by babysitters until just a month ago when I graduated. Babysitters are not going to cloth diaper. I know that I couldn't have done it with him, but part of me feels guilty. It is like I feel so good about making this new move for my daughter, like I am doing something so much better for her, but then I feel bad about the fact that Danny didn't get that.

I just keep trying to remind myself that while  all of the children that come after Danny will enjoy my wisdom and knowledge that I gained through Danny, Danny is the only child who will ever have been given undivided attention from me. He has been my whole world, with no one else coming close to it. None of my other kids will get that.

Life is a trade off I suppose.