Cloth Diapers

Lately I have been bragging a lot about my love for cloth diapers, and my happiness in the decision I made to CD with Layla. Now that we have been CDing for two months, and are finally out of the disposable diapers we bought during Hurricane Sandy, we are exclusively CDing. The time has come for me to write a little bit about it.

I will start by saying that cloth diapering does not look like it used to:

In fact, my Grandma often says that I am not allowed to call it cloth diapering, because it is so much better and easier than it was back in her day. I love you Grandma, but whatever, it is CDing for this generation.

I am not going to review the products I use in this post, that will happen the next time I get both kids to sleep at the same time. I am simply going to talk about it for all of my friends who have been asking.

There are many different kinds of CDs. I have chosen to use All in One (AIO) and Hybrid (AI2) diapers. Between the two types of diapers I have 50 diapers. I also have two diaper bags, which are a cool and convenient version of the diaper pail, two wet bags (think of them as travel diaper pails), a diaper sprayer, a diaper ointment stick and All Free and Clear detergent.

Those things are all I have and need to cloth diaper for two plus years. Most of the diapers are one size, so they adjust and grow with Layla until she is potty trained.

Thirsties AIO diaper. This is what CDs look like these days.

So how do you CD? Well, first you research (and ask your awesome mom friends, ahem, Erin and Katie), then you buy the diaper stash and necessary accessories. Some diapers require "prepping" which means you wash them a bunch of times before they become absorbent enough for use. Many diaper companies sell special diaper detergent, I haven't tried them yet because the free and clear that I used before I started making my own detergent works just fine. I am also cloth wiping, but being the frugal gal that I am I bought cheap target baby wash cloths instead of the cloth wipes sold by diaper companies.

Once the diapers are ready you put them on the baby and let the baby "go" in them. I am kind of laughing at myself for writing that, but most people literally ask how I use the diapers, not how I take care of them, which is what I think most people really mean.

The diaper pail. There are a ton of diaper pails out there, but I chose to go the route of the hanging diaper bag. It is a washable bag that holds about 20 dirty diapers. It hangs on the back of the bathroom door in our home. If the diaper is only wet I just toss the diaper in the hanging pail. If the diaper is dirty then I spray the poop off into the toilet with the diaper sprayer, then toss the diaper in the pail. Simple.

So I mentioned that I have to use certain detergent to wash the diapers so they don't get a buildup of chemicals which would make the diapers less absorbent. I also have to use special diaper ointment when Layla needs it. There are many different kinds, but I chose to use the Magic Stick from GroVia. At first the thought of using an ointment stick grossed me out, but now that I have it and don't actually have to get diaper ointment on my hands I love it. Picture a fat chapstick for the baby's butt and you will know what I am talking about. It keeps Layla's hiney nice and shiny, and is safe for the diapers.

FAQs

Isn't is gross? Not at all. Changing diapers isn't the most fun task, whether cloth or disposable, but it is part of having babies. I would rather spray off the poopy diapers and toss them into the pail then scrub and stain remove poop from all of Layla's clothes. Disposable diapers leak all the time. If your baby has an explosion then the disposable diaper will leak 9 times out of 10. Cloth diapers do not leak. Layla is an exclusively breastfed pooping machine and her CDs have only leaked twice, both times were due to my husband and I putting the diaper on wrong. My favorite thing about the CDs is that they do not leak. Her clothes are stain free, which is nice because girl clothes are so cute!

Doesn't she get rashes easily? NO! Layla hasn't had a rash since we started CDing. It is true that you will change your baby more often in CDs, that is because they don't have the gross chemicals that make the disposable diapers feel dry when they are wet. Honestly, you should change your baby as soon as he or she wets anyway. If you know me, then you know I am very diligent about changing my babies diapers. I would be changing Layla just as much if she were in a disposable diaper.

How often do you wash them? It is recommended to wash the diapers after two days in the pail. Sometimes I do a load a day, sometimes I go two days, it depends on my mood and how many diapers we have been using. I then put them in the dryer for about 10-20 minutes on low heat, then line dry. It doesn't take a lot of time, and like I said before, I am not cleaning poop stains off of Layla's clothes, so I think I am probably saving time.

Why did you decide to CD? Well, after my son was born in 2010 I started turning into a bit of a tree hugging hippy. I started using fewer chemicals in my home and continue to try to use natural products. I decided that I think disposable diapers are kind of gross, and I didn't like having chemicals so close to my sons tush. I decided when we had another baby that we would make the investment in CDs. I was thrilled when I researched and found out that I would actually SAVE money by CDing. All of the products that I said we use cost less than $500. The only thing that will need to be replenished is the laundry detergent and the diaper ointment. It doesn't hurt that CDs are good for the environment. CDs are just good all around for our family. It also helps that they are so stinking cute!!

Layla in a GroVia AIO

The picture above isn't the best, the diaper looks huge on Layla, but this type is actually pretty trim under her clothes. It is adjustable, so it should fit her until she potty trains. I actually used a GroVia diaper as Danny's swim diaper in the Summer, so I am pretty confident that Lay will fit the diapers when she is two as well.

Layla in a GroVia AI2

I love that I am saving money, I never run out of diapers, I am keeping her precious skin away from chemicals, helping to conserve materials and not adding to landfills, while keeping Layla's tush in adorable colors and prints :).

1st baby | 2nd baby

There are countless differences between the 1st baby and the 2nd baby. Here are some of the ones that stand out to me.

Sleep issues
When the 1st baby wont sleep in his or her own bed you stay up all night "working on it." When the 2nd baby wont sleep in his or her own bed you bring the baby to bed with you. Probably because by the time the 1st baby was six-months old you gave in and brought the baby to your bed. The second one doesn't need six-months to wear you down, you are already worn.

The play-mat
The 1st baby doesn't use the play-mat till he/she is about three-months old. You just don't put him/her down long enough to try it. The 2nd baby is playing on the play-mat at two-weeks-old. He/she has probably been sat or stepped on by one-month.

Not-so-breakable
 This one might be the most important. I believe my husband and I treated our son, our sweet first born like glass. Our daughter, not so much. I mean, we are very careful with her, she hasn't be dropped yet, but our son has pretty much almost killed her several times. When she was a week old Danny drove his fire truck off the coffee table onto her face, while she slept in the Moses basket. He has jumped on her, hit her, rolled on her etc. She has cried, but she hasn't broken. Had we known how tough babies are we might have tossed Danny around a little more ;)

I am sure as time goes on I will notice more BIG differences between the first kid and second kid, but two things will NOT change no matter how many kids I have. They will be nursed until they quit on their own free will, and they will be in a rear facing carseat until they can no longer physically fit in the carseat while turned around :)

Party!

I'm sure you all think Layla is real cute.

REAL cute.

Layla 11/28/12 4:30 am

But that little face isn't so cute at 4:30 IN THE MORNING!!!

She wasn't angry, hungry, grumpy, and least of all, tired! She just wanted to party.

I'm all for parties, just not at 4:30 am. This girl thinks it is perfectly acceptable for her mother to function on about 3 1/2 hours of sleep every day. Not cool, Layla, not cool. By the time she wound down and fell back asleep Danny was up and ready to party. So here we are, nap time, for one of the kids and I have already put in a nine-hour day.

Just a day in the life.

Happy Thanksgiving

There are so many things to be thankful for.

Like this. . .

Thanksgiving 2012. Pop Pop and Danny.

 And these two. . .

Thanksgiving 2012. Stephen and Layla.

This little guy is amazing.

Danny 11/20/2012

 And that smile melts my heart.

Layla 11/20/2012

 I have a lot of things going on that I wish weren't. Stress, worry, family feuds etc. But I have so much more to be thankful for. My husband and children are so incredible and that is enough to live every day full of love and happiness.

Layla's Birthstory

Okay people, here it is, the birth story. Written in my own words, my own voice, with no regard for sound or style. This is how I would tell you the story if you asked me in person :)

Layla's Birth Story

The morning of September 23^rd, 2012 I woke up and felt a contraction while lying in bed. I didn't think anything of the contraction because I had been having them in the mornings before getting out of bed, but nothing ever came from them. I was happy that I felt something, since I hadn't felt anything since my midwife appointment several days earlier. I got out of bed and began getting myself and Danny ready for church and running errands after Mass. I felt a few more contractions, which surprised me because I hadn't felt a legitimate contraction other than in bed during the whole pregnancy. 

Layla two days old

We went to church and then to run errands. While we were shopping I felt a few more contractions. These contractions actually hurt a little, I kept wanting to describe them to my husband as “more than uncomfortable,” but I didn't want to get my hopes up that I was going into labor. I was four days past my due date and was trying to come to terms with the fact that we had scheduled an induction for the upcoming Friday. I had four days to go into labor on my own or I would be going down the long induction road that I had so hoped to avoid.

The contractions continued throughout the day, painful, but not killer, and they were not coming in any kind of pattern. We finished our errands and went home. I cleaned up the house and did some laundry, then Stephen spent time raking the yard while I swept the decks and watered flowers. My sister decided to come over for dinner, before she came I called her and told her “just in case” to bring some clothes to sleep in, that I was having contractions, “I didn't think it was labor,” but didn't want her to drive all the way to our house and end up staying over without anything she needed, in the off chance we had a baby tonight. By four o'clock my sister had been over for an hour or so, we were playing with Danny, and I was definitely having painful contractions in a regular pattern. As I was making dinner I started tracking the action on my husbands iphone. The contractions were coming about 8 minutes apart and lasting 30-45 seconds. It wasn't time to call the midwife, but I was definitely in labor. I didn't think I would be having a baby that night, but probably early the next morning.

The contractions kept coming, through dinner and getting Danny bathed they got more intense and lasted longer. While I was bathing Danny I had some really painful contractions, I actually had to stop what I was doing until they were over. Again, I was finally convinced I was in labor, but I didn't think it was going to happen soon because I felt totally fine during the breaks, and the breaks were lasting more than five minutes. I decided to put Danny to bed myself, thinking it might be the last time I put him to bed without a baby distracting me, I took special care and time getting him down that night.

Layla one week old.

When Danny was out for the night I decided I should time the contractions again. I found they were coming every five minutes, but lasting 60 seconds each. This meant it was time to call the midwife, if it kept up for an hour. Before I could get to an hour I began to feel a little bit of pressure (I kept thinking I needed to go to the bathroom, but I didn't). I also realized that I was having shorter contractions in between each that came every five minutes. By this time it was past nine o'clock, I decided to call the midwife and see what she thought. When the midwife on call, Shaina, called me back we talked about what was going on. She said, very much to my surprise, that I could head to the birth center if I wanted to. She said not to rush, but that it sounded like I was heading into active labor. I couldn't believe she wanted me to come in, I was talking to her on the phone and was perfectly calm and feeling fine, I was only in pain during contractions, but I had a nice break between each. I told my husband (who didn't even know I had called Shaina), that it was time to head to the center. We didn't have to rush, so we checked my bags and put some laundry away before we left. I also gave my sister a thousand instructions and tips on how to deal with Danny in the morning when he realized we weren't there.

By the time we got to the birth center it was about 10:45 pm, Shaina met us at the door and led us into the birth center. It was so weird to see the midwife office and birth center at night, with no one there. Shaina checked me and found that I was 8 cm dilated! I was so shocked, I kept thinking it was going to be a long drawn out labor, but I was already so far along. I felt so happy that I had done so much earlier in the day, I was sure that I helped myself out big time by keeping busy all day. Shaina said that she could break my water if I wanted, but warned that it would make contractions come much stronger and closer. I decided against that, thinking that it would just make labor harder and might not speed it up. I changed into my cute red nursing night gown and headed to the family area of the birth center. There was no one else there, and the family area was the only place that had a TV, my husband figured that since I was still feeling good we might as well watch the Ravens game.

I sat on the birth ball and got ready to watch football. It wasn't more than ten minutes when I suddenly had the worst back pain of my life, compiled with a killer contraction. I kind of started to freak out, my pain essentially went from zero to HOLY CRAP in a matter of seconds. I asked Shaina to fill the tub, thinking it would feel less bad to have contractions in the water. As she went to fill the tub I started feeling the worst contraction I could have imagined with a ton of pressure. I asked Stephen to help me to the bathroom where I sat down and felt a big pop. I obviously knew it was my water breaking, but it wasn't really clicking with me since there was no gush of water. I think her head must have been too low for the water to gush out like it often does. I got into the tub, even before it was finished filling up, because I just felt like I had to do something. I thought the water would make a world of difference. It didn't, but it did give me a tiny bit of relief. It was weird, I was so set on doing something in that moment, something to find relief. Now I know it was just time to have a baby, and nothing was going to make it not hurt.

Like I said, I was kind of freaking out at this point. I couldn't get in the zone that I had thought I would so easily get into when it was time to push. I wanted to get my mind to a place where I just breathed through the pain and worked through it, but I couldn't! The pain was so bad that I couldn't focus on my hypnobirthing breathing that I had practiced for so many months. Shaina checked me while I was in the tub, to “make sure I was at 10cm and ready to push), and she said “oh, her head is right there.” At this point I was on my knees with my head down, just trying to get into my zone. I remember telling Shaina “I am a numbers girl, how many contractions is this going to take.” She said I could get her out in 1, I said “ok, good, now that I know it is almost over I know I can do this.” It is kind of a blur everything that was said and done after this. I remember being really annoyed at Stephen and Shaina, because they were laughing, not at me, but at things I was saying. Stephen was probably teasing me, and I snapped at him stop laughing at me. I asked for my water and Stephen jumped up to go get it and I about had a cow because I didn't want Stephen to leave. I remember telling Shaina that I liked her, but I needed Stephen to not leave :). When Shaina came back I apologized to her because I thought that I was about to start cursing like a sailor. She laughed and said she has heard it all. I just didn't want her to think that I usually talk like that. I was also annoyed because Shaina told me I had to be on my back to push. This only annoyed me because I had seen a video of a friends water birth, she was so calm and relaxed—and on her knees that I had it in my head that it would be more comfortable. But birthing in a tub instead of a pool doesn't allow for that. 

Layla two weeks old.

 It was time to push, and all I can say is man, epidurals are amazing (I had one with Danny and didn't feel a thing). I couldn't really focus on pushing because the pain was so bad, but somehow I did pushed. **Side note, at this point I just wanted to let my body push her out, but I was pretty much being coached to push. I wish I had discussed with the midwives at the practice that I might want to just let my body do the work because I really didn't feel like I was pushing right, and I know she would have come out on her own if I just let my body do its job.** Stephen and Shaina kept trying to cheer me on, and to be honest, it annoyed me so much. I knew what I needed to do to get the baby out, I didn't need them to remind me. I wanted to tell them both to shut up, but of course I didn't. One push and Layla was right there, ready to come out. Two pushes and I asked Shaina if it was ok if I screamed, she said yes, I screamed. At first I was embarrassed to be screaming, and I never thought I would share with other people that I did, but it really helped me to focus on pushing, for some reason it was the release that I needed to actually push effectively. Three pushes and her head was out (I didn't know this), I asked if I could take a break and Stephen was like “Ella, her head is out, you have to push.” Four pushes and Layla Beverly made her grand entrance into the world at 11:22 pm, not even an hour after we arrived at the birth center.

According to the birth record I was checked at 11:10 and was 10cm, and began pushing at 11:15, so that long paragraph you just read was only seven minutes worth of real life.

Layla was immediately put in my arms where she decided to poop on me. . .at least she waited till she came out to do her business. It was so surreal holding her the second she was born. She was all wet and clean, and just kind of squirmed on my chest and let out a few little cries. She was perfect <3. After a minute or two Stephen cut her cord and took Layla so Shaina could help me get out of the tub and in bed.

It was such a surreal experience! Childbirth is an incredible and surreal experience no matter how it occurs, but for me, having Layla without medication, in a birth center, with just my husband and midwife there was such an incredible experience. The whole thing was just so real and natural. As incredible as it was, it was also no big deal. I had a baby, people have been having babies for as long as the world has existed, there wasn't any unnecessary hooplah. It was amazing.

The best part about the birthing center was that we got to go home almost immediately. We only stayed long enough for me to get myself together and have Layla checked out. We live about 30 minutes from the birth center and were home before 2am on Sept. 24^th.

I am so happy that I got to experience a natural birth like I so wanted. I doubted myself throughout my whole pregnancy because I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to do it, but I did and I am grateful.

Layla Beverly Bray Rice

7 lbs 5 oz 21 ½ inches

September 23^rd, 2012 11:22 pm

Lay Lay two weeks old.

Potty Training

We aren't exactly hard core potty training right now. With a new baby (the reason why I have blogged only twice in two months) it is nearly impossible to try to potty train Danny.

If Layla were the easy baby Danny was then it might be different, but this little firecracker of a baby girl is the complete opposite. She doesn't like to be left alone while awake, so when Danny would have loved to sit in the swing to pass the time, Layla will claw your eyes out if you so much as glance in the direction of the swing while she is awake.

She is her own little person with her own personality. I don't know why I thought she would be so much like her brother. She doesn't even like to nurse for any reason other than nourishment--Danny would nurse to calm down regardless of how long it had been since he had a full nursing session.

We, the four of us, are all starting to adjust and learn how to live as a family of four, where Danny is still king, but now we have a queen. We are even able to enjoy our little Layla now that she isn't nearly as fussy as she was for the first several weeks.

BUT. . .

If one other person points out that "I need to get that kid potty trained" I might be tempted to throw one of his dirty diapers at them. Obviously, I don't like wiping his butt anymore than the next guy, but it isn't as easy as people think. My son likes sitting in a dirty diaper, and until his sister learns to be a little more content on her own I can't exactly do potty bootcamp.

But oh the day will come. . .

I am still here, barely!

I am barely alive after the last month. Ok, so that is me being dramatic, but OMG, this little girl is giving me a run for my money!

She is so hard! Maybe she isn't that hard, through my complaining I have heard about some babies who really had a hard time in the first few weeks of life, I know I am lucky because Layla could be dishing it out more than she is. But wow, I knew Danny was an easy baby, but I didn't realize how easy he was until Ms. Layla came around.

Did you know that there are babies out there who aren't just happy with nursing and sleeping all day??? I didn't, I was so sure all of my kids would be just like Danny, nurse, sleep and be happy. HA. I always make big plans, and God always laughs at me.

I can't be mad at that face though. Layla smiled for the first time around 3 1/2 weeks. She is beautiful, and we are so blessed to have this little girl in our lives.

This is the first chance I have had to blog! I haven't even finished writing her birth story yet, and that is killing me. I feel so weird not having written, or read anything in a month.

Layla is starting to get used to life on the outside, I'm sure she will give me a break any day now.

Stay tuned for more thoughtful posts, a birth story and new pictures of my precious children.

Welcome, Baby Layla

Well, the little girl finally made her grand entrance!

Layla Beverly arrived four days late, on September 23rd, 2012 at 11:22pm. She weighed 7lbs 5 oz (exact weight as her older brother) and was 21 1/2 inches long.

I will post a birth story when I get chance to write it out. We are thrilled to have our baby girl home with us. Big brother Danny adores her, and tells me ten times a day "Laylay cute."

DH

I am part of what I like to call my "mom group." The ladies in the group of mothers that I know and love are amazing. We all come from very different backgrounds, but we have our kids in common. We have known each other for three years and have been through a lot together. These ladies have helped me through some hard times for certain. The best part about this group of moms is watching each others children grow up. We have kids the same age, some of us have older kids as well, or younger. We are able to compare experiences, seek advice, and bitch about things in our lives, without judgement. It is a beautiful thing, and I feel deeply blessed to have found these ladies.

Because a lot of our communication in the group is online we have several acronyms to make life easier. One of these is DH, which, depending on the mood, can stand for Dear Husband or Darn Husband. This post is about my Dear Husband.

He is often, in my mind, darn husband. Certainly not perfect, but then again no one is. I am not the kind of girl who raves about her husband to other people all the time (you know those people on facebook who wont shut up about how great they have it-I am so not that). But I am now inspired to rave about him a little bit on my blog.

This song, by Hootie, or Darius Rucker took my breath away the first time I heard it. It is perfect for my husband and I. There have been several songs that have come along that just speak to us as a couple (like our wedding song, Faithfully by Journey...that is for another post).

"We are one heartbeat in the darkness
We are one lasting answered prayer
We are one unbroken promise
And we are two true believers"

When Stephen and I met, we were both in bad places as far as teenagers go. We both needed something big to happen in our lives to get us on track and realize our potential. Neither of us was into drugs or anything, but we were not in good places in our hearts, and we will both remember that we didn't think we had anyone who cared. Then we found each other. I know he wasn't much of a person to pray, but I certainly was, and I prayed that I would find someone every single day, someone to love and who would love me back. He is my lasing answered prayer. Together we vowed to love each other, till death do us part. Let me tell you, the first two years of this was NOT easy. He was immediately shipped off to Japan and we saw each other about six times in those first two years. When he returned to the states we didn't know each other at all. He was thrilled to be home and I was thinking "what the hell did I do?" A few months of getting to know each other as if we were strangers, and a lot of reminding ourselves of the vows we took on our wedding day (in good times and bad, till death. . .) and we were so happy and in love again. 

"It wasn't easy getting here today
Sometimes you stumbled or I lost my way
But every roadblock was a chance to say;
Take my hand I'm here beside you."

Like I said, it wasn't easy, but here we are. This has been an incredible year for my husband and I. Really, the past two years were difficult, with me being in school and he working to become a police officer. We have struggled in many ways and had a lot of instability, but this year all the fruits of our labor were seen. I graduated from college and he became a police officer. We worked our butts off for this, and I can say, without a doubt, that I would not have been able to graduate without his support. Not only did he take over well more than his fair share of work around the house, he always told me I could do it, never let me doubt myself, and did so many extra things for and with our son to give me time to study and write papers.

This year has been an emotional roller coaster for sure. With both of us reaching really big goals that we worked on for several years, and with the loss of people who were once staples in our lives. We have learned who really loves us and who will be there no matter what. We have lost and gained people in our lives. Some of the losses have been devastating, but  my dear husband has always taken everything one step at a time and has never let anything happening outside of our intimate family have a great affect on him. He is so strong. When I am losing my mind and heart over something he is tough and gets us through. I don't know how he does it, but he does.

"We worked and made it through the toughest parts
Now every days another chance to start,
To look around and see that where we are
Is where we were trying to get to"

When he was in Japan for two years, and I was left behind we always said we were getting the toughest part of our lives over with early and there would be nothing but happy times afterwards. Maybe that is true, but the last two years gave us a run for our money as well. With all the bad, there has been good too. Like I mentioned we have reached goals that seemed impossible at times. We are adding to our family with our daughter (if she EVER decides to come), and we are watching our baby boy turn into a little boy. Nothing could produce more joy than seeing Danny grow up. Hearing him talk, say new words each day, play, imagine. . . everything. It is funny, even when things aren't perfect, they never will be, but we always thought that one day they would, right now I am looking around the world and my life and realize that where we are is right where we were trying to get to. 

We are two true believers. . . 

Hallelujah

Miracles happen to those who believe. . .

And just like that Danny is sleeping through the night!!

I don't even know what happened. We have been trying for a while, but nothing worked.

Danny has co-slept with us since he was six-months-old. Out of necessity we had to allow this, even though we weren't happy with it. When he was six-months we didn't have a room for him, so his crib was in our room. You can't exactly ignore a baby who wakes in the middle of the night when you are in the same room, the baby will NOT go back to sleep if he can see you. So there we were, co-sleeping. When he finally got his own room around ten months he continued to wake at the same time every night. I could have broken the habit then I suppose, but being a full-time student meant that I was completely exhausted, and frankly couldn't spare to lose any sleep at night trying to get him back to sleep.

Fast forward to graduation and the desperate attempts to get him to stop coming to our bed in the middle of the night began. I couldn't really imagine him coming to our bed while having a newborn and it not screwing up his schedule and making my life a living hell. He was stubborn, an in the last month I gave up. I pretty much decided that he could sleep in our bed till he was ten if that is what was going to happen. I would take it all as it came, but I was just too darn tired to keep trying.


And now he sleeps through the night. Other that one night in the last two weeks (after a nightmare) he came to our room. He loves to come get me in the morning and get praise for staying in his bed like a big boy. I don't know what changed for him, but husband and I are both thrilled, for obvious reasons. I feel better about life in general knowing that I can nurse our daughter all night (if she EVER decides to be born), without disturbing Danny and his schedule.

I will admit to being slightly sad. It is just another reminder that my child is growing up so fast, and doesn't need me in every little way. I know this is part of life, and I need to get over it, but I don't think it will ever be easy to watch my children grow up and begin to need me less and less.

Still pregnant. . .

So I am still pregnant. I am still a week away from my due date, but my midwife said to me several times in the last few weeks that I "wont make it to my due date." Because of that I have been waiting on pins and needles thinking that I would go into labor soon. But nothing. The other night, while trying to fall asleep I had three contractions that got me all excited thinking labor was coming, but then I fell asleep. Obviously it wasn't labor.

I do actually like, possibly love being pregnant, so I am not miserable. And with my husbands work schedule, it would be nice if girlfriend doesn't come until the weekend, but still, I am so excited and anxious to meet her!

In some ways it feels like I have been pregnant forever, since I got pregnant in January, it has literally been a whole year of baby making! It has been a great pregnancy over all, so I am thankful. I wont dare say it is my last pregnancy, I will truly be disappointed if we don't have more kids, but the only thing my husband and I have ever said for sure is that we will have at least two, we never wanted to have an only child since we are both one of five and know how important it was in our lives to have siblings.

38 Weeks

The above picture proves that my husband's photography skills are lacking. But whoa, look at that belly! Seriously, I can't believe how big it is and she isn't even here yet! If Danny points out one more time that I am "BIG" I might cry a little bit.

Please, little girl, come out and meet your mom, dad and brother soon. After having such a great pregnancy, with no diabetes, and testing negative for anything that would require I take an IV during labor, I would hate to have to be induced at 42 weeks simply because you are stubborn.

Prayers

Every night at bedtime we say prayers with Danny. It is part of our nightly routine, we never skip it. After dinner Danny gets a bath and plays a bit. We then brush teeth, read stories and then say our prayers. We are Catholic, but my family was protestant until I was about eight-years-old. That being said, we say formal prayers as well as prayers right from the heart. Danny is starting to memorize the Catholic prayers that we say, he says the words that he can, right at the appropriate time. It is so sweet to see and hear. He also remembers all the people in our family who we pray for, each night. If I say "bless uncle Bri Bri," he immediately says "Haley," because he knows we pray for them together.

It really warms my heart.

Danny has had a few nightmares in the past two months. Two nights he had what seemed to be night terrors. He woke up screaming, but I guess was still asleep because when we went in to check on him he tried to fight us off. One night this week he came to our room in tears. The next morning he told me, after I asked what scared him, that he saw a ghost. No more Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown for him. . .

The night after his first nightmare, after prayers I told him that if he ever gets scared he just has to say Jesus and everything will be ok. I told him if he says a prayer when he is scared then the scary thing will go away and he can go back to sleep.

Tonight, as soon as I closed his bedroom door he began to cry and came to his door. As I walked him back to bed I told him not to be scared, and that everything would be alright. I told him I was still home, just not in his room. As he laid back down on his bed he closed his eyes and said "Jesus, Jesus."

 It might just have been the most precious thing I have ever seen. Not only does it remind me that he is getting bigger and understanding so much of what I say to him, but it also showed me that he is such a sweet little boy, who is going to grow up loving God and having faith. I know I can't be sure that he grows up to be a "good little Catholic," but I can do my best to give him an example of that. I love that he is only two and knows to pray and ask for God's help when he is scared.

My only hope is that this kind of sweetness and innocence can stay with him, even if just a little bit, through middle school and high school, kids those ages are scary little monsters!

Getting ready for the girl

I am a couponer. I don't have 30 things of mustard under my bed, but I don't go to the grocery store without making a very detailed list. I go to the store website and load all the coupons I can onto the store card, I study the weekly ad and I use coupons found in the Sunday paper.

Anything to save a little money.

My biggest goal when shopping for food is usually to buy nothing frozen or prepared (other than frozen veggies), but now that my due date is just a couple weeks away the grocery list looked something like this:

Frozen pizza
Chicken nuggest
Canned soup
Fish sticks
Frozen lasagna
Kraft singles (for grilled cheese)

*Sigh*

I recently wrote something on my facebook timeline about Danny being breastfed and only eating homemade, organic baby food. There were lots of comments. Some were serious, some were making fun of me (oh no, next he will ask for white bread). I feed Danny healthy food. He gets treats, but not a lot of junk. I spent about 30 minutes at the store one day trying to figure out which fruit snacks were the least un-healthy for him.

I'm no Kate Gosslin (not even close), but I think Danny is probably fed healthier than the average kid.

So it sort of kills me to know that once the baby is here his dinners will consist mostly of frozen crap, at least every other week while his dad works nights and I am still adjusting to life with two kids. Danny will be in hog heaven, and I will feel mortified for a little while. Life will continue to go on. 

No donuts for us

While Danny is doing great with the whole potty thing in the evenings, he went twice tonight, and even told me when he had to go! He refuses to do it in the mornings. Which means no one has had a special donut treat in our house. The day after I first told Danny he could have a donut in the morning if he went on the potty, my husband was almost begging Danny to give it a try. He must have read my blog when he got home from work that night (what a guy), because I had no idea he knew about the donut proposition, and was wondering why he wanted Danny to use the toilet so bad.

Like I said before, I am not pushing this right now. Danny showed his first signs of super jealousy today, while I was wrapping presents for his cousins birthday party. Danny saw that I was wrapping books and went ballistic begging me to read the books to him. It didn't matter that we have the story he wanted me to read in a collection book, he wanted that one read to him. It freaked me out a little, he hasn't seemed jealous when people have given us gifts for his little sister, but then again, she isn't here yet.

We only have a couple of weeks before we find out if Danny will be a green eyed monster. I am nervous, I can't lie. I am trying to hard to spend extra time with Danny now, even if that means I give him his bath at night, even though it is really hard and uncomfortable with my gigantic baby belly. I just hate the idea of my little guy being sad, or thinking he isn't special anymore. I hope I can find a good balance with two kids--any suggestions are of course welcomed!

The potty training, or lack of. . .

We are still not actively potty training. When I ask Danny throughout the day if he wants to sit on the potty he very adamantly says "NO!!!" At night, right before bathtime he is all for sitting on the potty, making pee, then getting a lolly pop.

He LOVES the potty at night. Not only does he love the treat he gets, but he loves the happy dance that we do after he successfully pees on the potty. He puts his arms in the air, dances around and yells "yay, yay, pee pee, yay." It is adorable.

In an effort to get him to try the potty in the morning, I promised him that we would go to dunkin donuts tomorrow if he pees on the potty when he wakes up. The look on his face when I put that offer on the table was that of "Ooh, this just got interesting." I know I should be more excited about him peeing on the potty, but I am totally looking forward to a donut if we are successful tomorrow.

I mean, can you think of a better way to celebrate being full-term in a non-Gestational Diabetic pregnancy than a trip to the donut shop??

YUM

Summertime

Summertime is winding down, and in our house, we are ready for Fall. My husband and I keep saying how we can't wait for cooler weather, and all the fun things that come with Fall. The pumpkin patch, Halloween, Fall Festivals, apple cider, Thanksgiving, pies, the list goes on and on.

That being said, we have had a great summer! Before my husband and I both graduated we had big plans for the summer, which included several trips to the beach. We ended up being too busy (and too broke) from moving and everything that comes with that, we never got our weekend away. We ended up making the most of my Grandma's pool and the local beaches on the little island we now live on.

Danny has no idea that we weren't at the "real" beach, hubby and I know that the bay does not equal the ocean, but Danny loved it just as much.

Stephen and Danny cooling off in the bay.

Danny spent 3 hours digging in the sand one day.

Always giving me those famous looks.

And finally. . .

Danny and his "big" mom. He always calls me big when I wear my swim suit!

I have totally enjoyed the last summer of just me and Danny. We sure have had a good time, even if we didn't go on vacation!

Mom stuff

That moment when you look at your dinner plate and realize that you pre-cut every single thing on it. Obviously, you are a grown ass woman who doesn't need to pre-cut your food.

Life with two-year-old.

If I am that scatter-brained now, I hate to know what I am going to be like in a few weeks, with a two-year-old and a newborn, and a husband who will be working the midnight shift for a whole month!

Breastfeeding timeline

One of my old friends (and mom to 3, and one on the way) sent me a link to this great Breastfeeding Timeline blog post. It took me two different sittings to finish (I do have a wild two-year-old), but I am so glad I read it thoroughly.

The post has great information about breastfeeding from day one all the way up to late toddlerhood!

Now, I am sure it is hard for anyone out there to believe that I need encouragement when it comes to breastfeeding, but this blog really did give me a lot of information that I didn't know. It was a nice reminder of why I am busting out the old nursing tanks and stocking up on lanolin cream.

Some of the highlights from this post were:

1. Pain that makes breastfeeding intolerable and /or cracked and bleeding nipples are never normal and needs immediate attention from a health professional familiar with breastfeeding management.
**This would have been nice to know when my son was three days old! I will never forget the nurses at the hospital telling me to feed him right when he was born. I asked "how do I do it" to hear the response "you put your boob in his mouth." Thank GOD for midwives is all I have to say. . .

2. By breastfeeding exclusively for 2 months, your child now has a lower risk of food allergy at 3 years old.
**With all the allergies out there these days it is SO nice to know that I can do something to prevent them!

3. Distraction at the breast may continue. Don't be misled into believing that your baby's temporary lack of interest in breastfeeding is a sign he is ready to wean. It is extremely rare for a child to self-wean before one year of age.
**Now, my son DID self-wean at 10 months, I think a lot of it had to do with how busy he always wanted to be. But also, at ten months the dr. had us start introducing the sippy cup. Once my son got a glimpse of the easy life with a cup he never EVER nursed again. His sister will not be getting a cup until well after her 1st birthday.

Please pass THIS LINK on to anyone you know who has or wants to breastfeed. It is a great resource, and very encouraging!

Baby girl--still growing

Baby girl is still prepping for her big arrival. Here is a pic from a few weeks ago when I was 31 weeks.

7/18/2012

This week marks 35 weeks of pregnancy. I am feeling pretty darn good. I have had a few moments of back issues this week, but nothing as bad as it was in the earlier days of summer. We had an ultrasound on Thursday, it was so cute, as soon as we walked in the room and Danny saw the screen (with an empty picture) he started shouting his sisters name. He cracks me up. She was hiding her face, so we're getting no inclination of what she'll look like, but all of her parts looked great. She is head down, and already in a great position for birth.

I am torn between wanting her to come a few weeks early and wanting her to come on or after her due date, after-all, as soon as she is here my pool days with Danny are over this summer, so it might be nice to keep her inside as long as possible. I'm certainly not going to take any measures to get her here sooner. After my last birth experience I want to do everything naturally and on her time.

The ultrasound measured her at 6lbs 4oz!! That freaked me out considering Danny measured 6lbs 13oz at his 37 week US! I am slightly worried that I am going to have a giant baby, but as my great mom friends keep reminding me, bigger babies are typically easier to birth. And wouldn't it be great if baby girl would fit in her cloth diapers from day one?

Here we are, at 35 weeks, just waiting around for the little girl to arrive:

8/17/2012

 

 

My friends say I am all belly, I'm not sure that that is entirely true, but pretty close. Here is to hoping that I don't gain 10 lbs of fluid and can look somewhat decent right after birth (unlike last time)!

Babies

Babies, babies, everywhere!

By the end of January there will be FOUR new babies in my extended family. My cousin, Kathryn, and I are both due in September with baby girls. My brother and his wife are expecting a baby (whose gender we just found out today but I'm not sure if the internet is allowed to know :)), on Christmas day. Then, about two weeks later, my other cousin, Jonas, who happens to be my brothers BFF is expecting a baby with his wife (gender undetermined, although Danny keeps insisting they are having a girl).

It is a very exciting time! My Grandparents have 27 grandchildren, and  in January will have 14 great-grandchildren. My parents will have five grandchildren. It is so fun how quickly families, and generations grow.

The real race will between Kathryn and I, who are due within five days of each other, BUT knowing the boys, who are due two weeks apart, they will do whatever it takes to beat each other to the punch.

The family reunion next Summer will look something like this:

Pedicure

These are the feet of a woman who is a few weeks away from her due date, and tried to give herself a pedicure:

8/12/2012

 

 

 I think my fingers and hands are slightly swollen, it could be the heat, but I am hoping it means the end of this pregnancy is near. Other than the first two months it has been a great pregnancy, but I am ready to meet my baby girl!

I am not in the best shape (to say the least!) to give myself a pedicure, but I had to try. I got the job done, but I have some paint to peel off my skin.

Notice my wonky big right toe, still jacked up from when Danny broke it last year. . . he will never live that down!

Language explosion

My Danny boy, the super smart, super funny, super adorable (yada yada yada) two-year-old is experiencing a HUGE language explosion!

He was a slow talker from the beginning. He barely said Dada by his first birthday, didn't say Mama until he was almost 1 1/2, and is just now uttering one sentence "Dada, where are you?" He has picked up many words since his first, but at each well visit he has been under what the standard list looks for. I have never been too concerned about this, he has had wonderful receptive language since he was a little guy, and I know that is the biggest piece of the pie.

Since we are expecting everyone (my dad especially) has been insistant on the fact that Danny WILL start talking immediately after his sister is born. Apparently he will want a lot of attention that he wont be getting, but that is a whole other story. . .

He is saying new words left and right, if I say it, he repeats it. It is so sweet/cute/funny/adorable etc.

There is just one problem, his favorite word right now is the word dead. It all started with the fish. He got Nemo(1) for his birthday, two weeks later he got Nemo(2). Last week he got Nemo(3&4). Nemo(3) was dead within 12 hours. He now goes to the fish tank and says "Dead. Nemo. Dead." He says that at least five times a day. And now when a toy is broken he brings it to me and says "dead." If something is turned off he says "dead." He is obsessed with that word. I am so worried he is going to start pointing to old people who are taking naps and saying that they are "dead."

Potty Training

My son is pushing 2 1/2 and he is not potty trained.

This is only a big deal because, before I was a mom, I was one of those people who believed that all children should be potty trained by age two.

I was an asshole.

Potty training Danny by age two was not physically possible because I was in school full-time until after his second birthday. The plan was to start potty bootcamp as soon as I graduated. So after a week or two of adjusting to being home I realized that he simply was not ready for it. He showed no interest in even sitting on the potty, and certainly did not care when he was sitting in a dirty diaper. My hopes and dreams of having a few months of no diapers before baby number two arrives was shot. I accepted it and moved on. I decided that if he still isn't showing a great deal of interest by Christmas then I will begin to force it on him. All the moms I know were very supportive and convinced me that there is no point in training him this close the the arrival of a new baby, because he will most certainly digress as soon as he sees his sister getting diapers.

Fast forward to this week, Danny is obsessed with peeing on the potty. He has done it at least twice a day. He loves the excitement that we show after each successful potty trip, and the lolly pop he gets as a reward. And now that his grandmother brought over Phillies underwear today he is even more obsessed. Tonight at bath time he ran to the potty, with a pair of the underwear in his hands, he then tries to sit on the potty and and put the underwear on at the same time. He is totally into this now. Perfect timing, right? Just a few weeks before my due date, my two-year-old wants to be potty trained.

I am trying to be positive about this, but also realistic and not push it too much.

Is it normal for a kid to be ready to potty train before the mom??

Danny's favorite

Danny is so talkative right now. Usually it is good, other than the other night at dinner when he told Stephen and I who was mean and who was nice in my family. That was hilarious, but a little scary to know he could easily tell the "mean" people what he thinks of them!

He is saying more and more words and making small sentences. I once thought he would never put two words together, but now he says "Home Depot" and "Old Bay" about fifty times a day. If you know my husband, than you know that those two statements means he is a small chip off of Stephen's block for sure!

Today is my husbands birthday, we celebrated by going to the zoo. Danny was so excited to go to the zoo (and get popcorn). We had a great day, a hot day, but it was still a wonderful time. Tonight at the dinner table my husband starts to ask Danny who his favorite animal at the zoo was. He didn't get past "Who is your favorite. . ." when Danny shouted out "JOE." Joe, of course, is my oldest brother, and one of my best friends. He is Danny's Godfather, and definitely one of Danny's favorite people on earth. Danny adores Joe, and I love seeing how much fun they have together. I thought it was so cute that Danny didn't even wait for my husband to finish the question, he just shouted out that Joe was his favorite.

There is a lot of pressure here, though. Now I have to find a way to one day make Joe's child love me as much as Danny loves Joe. I am not sure how I will accomplish that, but I am sure up to the challenge!

Uncle Joe/Godfather/Uncle Stompy

Nursing

If you know me, you know that I am a big breastfeeding advocate. I nursed my son, Danny, for ten months before he quit on his own. I wasn't devastated that he self weaned before a year, pumping was hard and I was going to school at odd hours, so my supply was always confused. I would have liked to get him to the magical year mark, but I knew that since he stopped on his own it was his time to stop.

I can't write about my nursing experience without giving credit to my wonderful cousin, Kathryn. She is a labor and delivery nurse, and she gave me so much support before my son was born, and after. I had a very, VERY hard time nursing in the beginning, and I can say with complete honesty (and no shame), that I would have quit after the first week had Kathryn not shamed me into continuing no matter how hard it was. She, after all, nursed her first child even though she had a much, much rougher delivery and recovery than I had. I knew I couldn't face seeing her at the annual family reunion if I was giving Danny a bottle of formula. I am so thankful for her encouragement and support, because I know how good BFing was for Danny. Nursing Danny helped keep him well even though he was seeing three different babysitters a week, and I was bringing home germs from my college campus. It really was our liquid gold.

If you really know me, then you know that I had to listen to a lot of static about my decision to nurse my son. I had people pushing formula on me, telling me how gross it was that I nursed, how weird my boobs looked, how my baby (at 8 weeks old) was "too big for that." I even had people in my own family show how appalled they were when I would nurse at family gatherings.

All of these naysayers really put a damper on my experience as a new mom. I didn't know how to stand up for myself, and I was so shocked by some of the things that were said to me that I couldn't even muster up words of response.

I have been thinking about this a lot lately. My due date is at the end of next month, I know I'll be nursing around a lot of the same people who gave me hell when I nursed Danny. All I can say is those people might want to watch what they say. I am a seasoned mom now, I am not too shocked by any of the rude things people say to me to come up with a response now, and I am very much ready to stick up for myself and my choice to breastfeed my daughter. I am certainly not looking for a fight, but I am not going to take any of the abuse that I took last time.

I know that the female body wasn't designed the way it was to be looked at and admired, although it is a beautiful thing. We were designed to grow babies and nurse them through infancy. It angers me when people, especially other women, act as if breasts were meant to be decorations, and nursing your child from them is gross, obscene or inappropriate. If you see me nursing my daughter, know that I am only doing what my body was designed for, and giving my daughter the absolute best nutrition that she needs.

Happy World Breastfeeding week!

Oh Danny Boy

My son, Daniel Thomas, was not named for the traditional Irish ballad, but he was given his nickname for the song. He is just now realizing that he has a song of his very own. He found it quite entertaining when I made the Irish dressed snoopy doll dance and sing "Danny Boy" yesterday.

This morning while playing his soon-to-be baby sisters song, he came running to me saying "me, me," I had no clue what he was talking about. Then he brought me the snoopy and said "mine, sing, me," I figured it out after that :).

It is so cute how he wants to listen to "Danny Boy" over and over again now. He knows that it is a sad(ish) song, so he pretends to get all weepy and puts his head down every now and then during the song.

He really brings so much joy to me every day. We have yet to have a perfect day in the life of Danny and Mommy, but everyday we have special moments where he shows how sweet and loving he is.

Oh Danny Boy, Oh Danny Boy, I love you so.

What a difference!!

What a difference NOT having undiagnosed Gestational Diabetes makes:

32 week comparison

The left picture is me 32 weeks pregnant with Danny (this was about two weeks before my doctor told me "oops, it looks like you DO have Gestational Diabetes), the picture on the right is me 32 weeks pregnant with baby girl. I am wearing the same shirt in both pictures (if you couldn't tell).

What a difference being healthy makes in my physical appearance!!

About a week ago I started to think "weren't my boobs sitting on my belly by this time in my last pregnancy?" I LOL at that questions, but I was really thinking it. And I noticed that my husband kept making comments about how much smaller my belly is now. At first I thought maybe we were both just remembering the very end of the pregnancy. I finally dug out this old picture from my cell phone at 32 weeks. I noticed that I looked pretty puffy, then I had my sister take a picture of me in the same shirt to compare. I certainly see a difference. I feel like I look much much more tired in the current picture, but the rest of me is smaller. I feel so much better during this pregnancy (other than the back issues I am having), it feels good to know I beat the diabetes this time. My midwives keep reminding me how rare it is to do that.

Here is to hoping I continue to feel good (and can keep wearing my wedding rings!).

Just when I think I am going to lose it. . .

My little boy shows me that he wasn't put on this earth to gray my hair and make me a crazy person.

Today while Danny was have a very irrational meltdown at my Grandparent's house (are they ever rational??) I took him out to the woodshed (literally) to give him a good talking to. I thought he was going to climb up a tree and start chittering like Curious George because he was freaking so much. As I sat him down on the steps leading up to the woodshed he suddenly calmed down and listened to his little toddle lecture. He typically flips a bit longer as I try to give him a good talking to. He also typically wont apologize for whatever he did wrong, even when I ask him to. Well today he not only listened to me, but he gave me a hug and a kiss and said he was sorry. When I asked him if he would try to be a good boy for the rest of the day (he usually says no), he said yes and gave me another kiss.

He stayed true to his word and was a sweetheart the rest of the day.

Sometimes I really don't know how to get through the day, but today he reminded me just how sweet, innocent and amazing he is. I am lucky to be his mom, and even more lucky to spend every day taking care of him.

My heart and soul, right here.

Haircut

Yesterday we took Danny to have a haircut. It was his fifth haircut to date, and they have gotten more traumatizing each time. This time we decided to skip going to Pigtails and Crew cuts, a haircut place near us that specializes in kids cuts. Not only do they have a million fun things going on to distract kids, but they have police cars and firetruck chairs for the kids to sit in. P&Cc is a fun place, but after the last two cuts with Danny flipping out we decided it might be too overwhelming for him.

We took him to a real barber shop, where he got to watch his dad get a cut first, he got to play while he waited, and he got to sit in a cool (?) horse chair. Well, as soon as the lady barber came near Danny all hell broke loose. He went nuts, so nuts that we had to move him to an adult chair where he sat on his dads lap for the whole cut. He screamed the whole time, and by the end of it we were all covered in Danny's hair.

Danny's haircut. July 27th, 2012

It was totally worth it, I hate to say that, but his hair looks so cute, he isn't as hot when we play outside, and he looks like a big boy.

Danny is growing up so fast, I know it is going to be all too soon where he doesn't want to be around me because moms aren't cool, so I will cherish the time I have with him as my little boy, even if that means he is crying out my name in terror during a haircut!

Preparing for baby girl

Diaper prepping

The most tedious part of preparing for the arrival of my baby girl is getting the cloth diapers ready. To get the diapers ready they need to be washed several times to ensure they will be absorbent enough for use. It isn't hard work, it is just a big pain in the you-know-what. The first load of laundry was fun, I got to look at all the cute diapers again, but now that I am on the third load it is less fun.

Still, I love knowing that I am almost ready for this girl to make her appearance. The crib and pack and play are both set up. Clothes are washed, the swing, exersaucer and bouncy chair are all clean and ready to go. I still have some odds and ends (I need to make my homemade moby wrap, among other things).

The only problem is that all of the baby-1st year toys we have are total boy toys. There are teething toys and rattle type things that can go either way, but I can't imagine she is going to want to play with a musical and light tool bench, or a basketball hoop. If she does, she is SOL, I am giving them away to Danny's cousin, and going to give the three-month-old baby that I will have at Christmas time girly toys to replace them. Typically would think to just give a tiny baby like that diapers for Christmas, but that doesn't really work when you cloth diaper!

All and all I am feeling pretty good about my accomplishments this week.

We moved

I haven't blogged in forever!! It was for a good reason, though. We have moved, not far away from our condo in beautiful Annapolis, but we moved just the same.

After going and going like the energizer bunny like an idiot (I am 30+weeks pregnant), for four days, I finally took a chill pill and forced myself to take it easy. Taking it easy for me pretty much meant 30 minutes of running around, unpacking, hanging pictures etc, then 60 minutes of sitting, with my feet up. It was nice to finally take it easy, something I never do. But now I am looking around, after being in the new house for a week and a half, and I am slightly amazed that it took me this long to get things settled. I finally hung the last few pictures today, I am done!

Now the fun things begin! I get to get my baby girls room ready, wash clothes, prep diapers and prepare for her arrival. We have already set up the pack and play in our room, and put the swing in the living room. Danny is a mess, he wants to sit in the swing and sleep in the pack and play. I am really hoping that the poor kid gets it out of his system before his sister arrives!

Packing

We haven't even moved yet, but the verdict is in.

We moved from Arizona to Maryland when Danny was five-weeks-old. It was kind of a big deal, it was very stressful, and it made it impossible for me to give myself six weeks to recover. I mentioned recently (several times, actually), that I wonder what would be worse, moving across country with a newborn, or moving about 20 minutes away while 30 weeks pregnant, with a two year old.

This is so much worse than the cross country move!!

Not only are we just coming off a heat wave which damn near took everything out of me. I have a crazy two-year-old running around, and a husband who is not able to help much because of his work schedule. I really had no idea how much Stephen was around to help me while he was in the Marines. He was either in a different country, or available to help me with anything. It is an odd adjustment, having him here, but not available.

It does NOT look like this in my home right now

I am so exhausted, and anxious. I just want to be moved in and settled. I want to work on the baby's room, I never did that with Danny because we were moving around so much when he was an infant. What I really want to do is not feel like a ticking time bomb, with a thousand things left on my to do list.

Just a few more days and I get to do one of my favorite things--set up my home and make it all, well, homey.

Lets just hope I make it till Sunday!