Hallelujah

Miracles happen to those who believe. . .

And just like that Danny is sleeping through the night!!

I don't even know what happened. We have been trying for a while, but nothing worked.

Danny has co-slept with us since he was six-months-old. Out of necessity we had to allow this, even though we weren't happy with it. When he was six-months we didn't have a room for him, so his crib was in our room. You can't exactly ignore a baby who wakes in the middle of the night when you are in the same room, the baby will NOT go back to sleep if he can see you. So there we were, co-sleeping. When he finally got his own room around ten months he continued to wake at the same time every night. I could have broken the habit then I suppose, but being a full-time student meant that I was completely exhausted, and frankly couldn't spare to lose any sleep at night trying to get him back to sleep.

Fast forward to graduation and the desperate attempts to get him to stop coming to our bed in the middle of the night began. I couldn't really imagine him coming to our bed while having a newborn and it not screwing up his schedule and making my life a living hell. He was stubborn, an in the last month I gave up. I pretty much decided that he could sleep in our bed till he was ten if that is what was going to happen. I would take it all as it came, but I was just too darn tired to keep trying.


And now he sleeps through the night. Other that one night in the last two weeks (after a nightmare) he came to our room. He loves to come get me in the morning and get praise for staying in his bed like a big boy. I don't know what changed for him, but husband and I are both thrilled, for obvious reasons. I feel better about life in general knowing that I can nurse our daughter all night (if she EVER decides to be born), without disturbing Danny and his schedule.

I will admit to being slightly sad. It is just another reminder that my child is growing up so fast, and doesn't need me in every little way. I know this is part of life, and I need to get over it, but I don't think it will ever be easy to watch my children grow up and begin to need me less and less.

Happy Birthday, Danny

It happened. My baby turned into a kid. My sweet lovable little boy is growing up before my eyes.

Our first picture together. . .

April 16th, 2010

You are the love of my life, my little buddy and the apple of my eye. I cannot imagine my life without you, little Danny boy. You are so independent and sweet. You want to do everything yourself, but will run to me for kisses and hugs at the drop of a hat. You make everyone laugh. All. Day. Long.

Danny and Brayden, March 2012.

I love how you follow your big cousin, Alexis, around and think you are just as old as she is.
I love how you love your baby cousin, Brayden. You are so sweet with him, it doesn't matter that he doesn't have a big brother, I know you will take it upon yourself to make sure no one messes with him.

February 2012

I love how much you love to eat, just like your dad. You act just like your dad too, which makes it hard to ever be mad at either of you. You love the silliest TV shows, you imitate every wild and farm animal. You even have your dads humor, making fun of people when they sneeze.

April 2012

You have brought so much joy to us, but also to your aunts and uncles and Grandparents. I feel like the luckiest mom in the world when I see how close you and MY Grandpa are. It is so sweet to see you take his hand and show him the way around his own back yard.

2nd birthday cake

Danny, you have given my life new meaning. No one is ever the same after the have kids, and I am thankful for that. You have given me the gift of a mothers love. I cannot wait to watch you continue to grow up and discover new things I can't wait to see you with your baby brother or sister, he/she is going to be in for it!

Heaven blew every trumpet and played every horn on the wonderful, marvelous night you were born.

Happy Birthday Daniel Thomas Bray Rice

The Roller Coaster

My life raising a two-year-old (almost) is one big roller coaster. There are about a hundred different ups and downs, and that is before lunch, on a good day. I am amazed, almost daily how erratic the behavior of a young child can be. And even more I am amazed at how I can go from feeling totally normal to feeling like I am drowning in a sea of terrible mom-hood in the flash of a toddler mood swing. I usually have it all together pretty well, so it is pretty shocking that a three(ish) foot kid who can't even put sentences together can put me into a tailspin.

This morning was a perfect example of the above. It seemed like a normal morning, other than the fact that we had an extra hour before having to leave the house. Danny was watching cartoons while I got breakfast ready, our extra hour was allowing me to make eggs for both of us, a hot breakfast during the week, imagine that! Little Danny-do did NOT approve of me being in the kitchen instead of sitting with him on the couch. He was a hot mess. Pushing me away from the stove, trying to pull my pants down, kicking, screaming and being a nasty little boy. Many more tears, a time out, and a spanking later he decided to leave me alone, while we were both in tears he watched cartoons and I finished making breakfast.

We sat and ate together, at the table. He had big tears still on his cheek, and I felt like a pathetic excuse for a mother. We continued to go about our morning playing and getting ready for school/the babysitter. The worst part of the day is when I have to leave him with the sitter, he always cries when I leave, and I am left feeling like a selfish mom for leaving him so I can go to school. The whole drive to campus is spent beating myself up for having such a terrible morning with him, then dropping him at the sitters and going about my day.

I tell myself that this will all go away when I graduate and am home with him. All he needs is consistency during the day, right? Probably not. As my good friend Lydia tells me " I'm home 24/7 and have plenty of consistency and still have very bad days." I know that me being home with my son isn't going to magically change our world, I know we will still have bad days, but I hope that I feel less guilt about them because I don't have to leave him after a terrible morning.


I have been told to "get over it," the terrible feeling that I have when I leave my child. I have been told that "everyone has to leave their kids, it is part of life." I know that is true for many, and I know people who wouldn't have it any other way. I have a good friend who admits that she HAS to go to work because she would go nuts if she didn't. Every mom is different, some are made to me working moms, some are made to be stay at home moms. And some moms are made to do one thing but forced to do the other. We are all special in our own way, just like our kids.


But for me, there is nothing else. There is nothing I would rather be doing than staying home and raising my kids. There is nothing that I am as good at, and there is nothing I care about enough to feel that it is a valuable trade. Every day when I leave Danny to go to school I think about my working mom friends and I am amazed at what they do. Not only do they work in stressful careers all day, but they come home and do it all for their kids. Those women I truly admire, because I don't know how they do it (and they look so good doing it). 


My only hope is that the negativity that has been shown to me for being a stay at home mom will not reflect onto my children. I hope they always know that I GOT to stay home, not that I HAD to. 

So how did our day end? Beautifully. Danny took a bath without screaming, which is our of the ordinary for him these days. We read played and read stories, then gave kisses and hugs before bedtime. The roller coaster continues on, but it sure is a fun ride.

Terrible Twos

So we are well into the terrible twos. I have mentioned before that my son, at the drop of a hat will throw himself on the floor, kick and scream, if he isn't getting what he wants. It is almost funny, because it is so ridiculous. I wonder what goes on in his mind when he is doing it. He really just flips his lid if I tell him "no" or "wait" or "just a second." He is just a little monster during those moments. It is really tiring, but I know it is just a phase.

But then he has these moments when he turns into the sweetest, most loving child on earth. It completely makes up for his craziness. Just yesterday I was getting him dressed before we had to leave for school, when I stood him up he leaned in and hugged me. He patted my back as he hugged me, and he did this for a full two minutes. With his head on my shoulder and his arms around me, I felt like the luckiest mom in the world.

Thank God for the sweet moments like that. Without them I think all moms would go crazy.