Nursing

If you know me, you know that I am a big breastfeeding advocate. I nursed my son, Danny, for ten months before he quit on his own. I wasn't devastated that he self weaned before a year, pumping was hard and I was going to school at odd hours, so my supply was always confused. I would have liked to get him to the magical year mark, but I knew that since he stopped on his own it was his time to stop.

I can't write about my nursing experience without giving credit to my wonderful cousin, Kathryn. She is a labor and delivery nurse, and she gave me so much support before my son was born, and after. I had a very, VERY hard time nursing in the beginning, and I can say with complete honesty (and no shame), that I would have quit after the first week had Kathryn not shamed me into continuing no matter how hard it was. She, after all, nursed her first child even though she had a much, much rougher delivery and recovery than I had. I knew I couldn't face seeing her at the annual family reunion if I was giving Danny a bottle of formula. I am so thankful for her encouragement and support, because I know how good BFing was for Danny. Nursing Danny helped keep him well even though he was seeing three different babysitters a week, and I was bringing home germs from my college campus. It really was our liquid gold.

If you really know me, then you know that I had to listen to a lot of static about my decision to nurse my son. I had people pushing formula on me, telling me how gross it was that I nursed, how weird my boobs looked, how my baby (at 8 weeks old) was "too big for that." I even had people in my own family show how appalled they were when I would nurse at family gatherings.

All of these naysayers really put a damper on my experience as a new mom. I didn't know how to stand up for myself, and I was so shocked by some of the things that were said to me that I couldn't even muster up words of response.

I have been thinking about this a lot lately. My due date is at the end of next month, I know I'll be nursing around a lot of the same people who gave me hell when I nursed Danny. All I can say is those people might want to watch what they say. I am a seasoned mom now, I am not too shocked by any of the rude things people say to me to come up with a response now, and I am very much ready to stick up for myself and my choice to breastfeed my daughter. I am certainly not looking for a fight, but I am not going to take any of the abuse that I took last time.

I know that the female body wasn't designed the way it was to be looked at and admired, although it is a beautiful thing. We were designed to grow babies and nurse them through infancy. It angers me when people, especially other women, act as if breasts were meant to be decorations, and nursing your child from them is gross, obscene or inappropriate. If you see me nursing my daughter, know that I am only doing what my body was designed for, and giving my daughter the absolute best nutrition that she needs.

Happy World Breastfeeding week!

The Roller Coaster

My life raising a two-year-old (almost) is one big roller coaster. There are about a hundred different ups and downs, and that is before lunch, on a good day. I am amazed, almost daily how erratic the behavior of a young child can be. And even more I am amazed at how I can go from feeling totally normal to feeling like I am drowning in a sea of terrible mom-hood in the flash of a toddler mood swing. I usually have it all together pretty well, so it is pretty shocking that a three(ish) foot kid who can't even put sentences together can put me into a tailspin.

This morning was a perfect example of the above. It seemed like a normal morning, other than the fact that we had an extra hour before having to leave the house. Danny was watching cartoons while I got breakfast ready, our extra hour was allowing me to make eggs for both of us, a hot breakfast during the week, imagine that! Little Danny-do did NOT approve of me being in the kitchen instead of sitting with him on the couch. He was a hot mess. Pushing me away from the stove, trying to pull my pants down, kicking, screaming and being a nasty little boy. Many more tears, a time out, and a spanking later he decided to leave me alone, while we were both in tears he watched cartoons and I finished making breakfast.

We sat and ate together, at the table. He had big tears still on his cheek, and I felt like a pathetic excuse for a mother. We continued to go about our morning playing and getting ready for school/the babysitter. The worst part of the day is when I have to leave him with the sitter, he always cries when I leave, and I am left feeling like a selfish mom for leaving him so I can go to school. The whole drive to campus is spent beating myself up for having such a terrible morning with him, then dropping him at the sitters and going about my day.

I tell myself that this will all go away when I graduate and am home with him. All he needs is consistency during the day, right? Probably not. As my good friend Lydia tells me " I'm home 24/7 and have plenty of consistency and still have very bad days." I know that me being home with my son isn't going to magically change our world, I know we will still have bad days, but I hope that I feel less guilt about them because I don't have to leave him after a terrible morning.


I have been told to "get over it," the terrible feeling that I have when I leave my child. I have been told that "everyone has to leave their kids, it is part of life." I know that is true for many, and I know people who wouldn't have it any other way. I have a good friend who admits that she HAS to go to work because she would go nuts if she didn't. Every mom is different, some are made to me working moms, some are made to be stay at home moms. And some moms are made to do one thing but forced to do the other. We are all special in our own way, just like our kids.


But for me, there is nothing else. There is nothing I would rather be doing than staying home and raising my kids. There is nothing that I am as good at, and there is nothing I care about enough to feel that it is a valuable trade. Every day when I leave Danny to go to school I think about my working mom friends and I am amazed at what they do. Not only do they work in stressful careers all day, but they come home and do it all for their kids. Those women I truly admire, because I don't know how they do it (and they look so good doing it). 


My only hope is that the negativity that has been shown to me for being a stay at home mom will not reflect onto my children. I hope they always know that I GOT to stay home, not that I HAD to. 

So how did our day end? Beautifully. Danny took a bath without screaming, which is our of the ordinary for him these days. We read played and read stories, then gave kisses and hugs before bedtime. The roller coaster continues on, but it sure is a fun ride.

For all the idiots out there. . .

30 Day Challenge-Day 17

Why I stay home.

Being a stay-at-home-mom is probably one of the most important things in the world to me, second only to being a good wife. Because it is so important to me I am very sensitive about the subject, I have gotten a lot of criticism from people who are supposed to be close to me and also rude comments about how boring it must be blah blah blah.

Well my only response to the boring comments is my personal opinion and that is "You can't possibly get bored unless you are sitting around ignoring your kids all day. There is always something to do." Sure you might get bored of the routine every once in a while, but all you have to do is switch it up. When you're a SAHM you are the boss, you make the schedule, choose the days events and are the only one who decides if it is boring or not.

Something I read in Dr. Laura's In Praise of Stay-At-Home-Moms made a lot of sense to me. Dr. Laura said "More often than not, these "grandmothers," are acting out their guilt for not raising you." The quote was in regard to SAHM's who are getting the guilt trip from their own mothers about staying home. That thought just might be true, in my case at least I hear a lot of the negative comments from older women who didn't stay home with their kids or women around my age who don't plan on staying home with their kids.

I'm not saying being a SAHM is the only way, or the only right way, or the best way for everyone, but it is for me and my family.

I used to want to have a career, have a few kids and put them in daycare, that was my dream as a teen. I did not want to stay home. Once I got married and started thinking about having my own family the idea of having babies to then leave them in the care of someone else all day was too much for me. I didn't want to do it. Luckily, I married a wonderful man who completely supports my decision to stay home and raise our children, even if that means he has to work harder and we will have fewer things. I am one of the lucky ones, I know that.

Even though I know I am one of the lucky ones who gets to stay home with my child it doesn't make it any easier to hear the bullshit negative comments. Just like I don't judge moms who love their careers and want to keep them after having children, I don't want to be judged for wanting to stay home with my kids over a career.

Another thing in Dr. Laura's book really hit me hard and it was "Being a SAHM was fabulous-even though it was very difficult. It was my second chance to have a mother-child relationship. The first one was a bust. But the second one? Well my son is in the military and says, "I love you, Mom," ever time we end a phone conversation."

Bingo. Right. There. That is is. That is what I want, it is why I am doing this. I want to give my child everything I never had. I want to be there for him no matter the day, whether he is happy or sad, sick or health, loving me or hating me. I want to be there. He will know that no matter what, mom is there and always will be.

So like I said, this is my dream come true. I might not seem like the most ambitious person in the world, but really I am. I am dedicating my life to my husband and my children and nothing else. Anything else will just be a very distant third. After all, what other job can you think of where you can sit at your computer (during nap time) and write about your life while you rock out to and Eric Clapton playlist?

A letter to a person in your life who should be "let go"

Just for fun =)

Dear person in my life who is no longer welcome,

This letter is to inform you that you are no longer welcome as an active member in my life. I would like to express my sincere regret that you and I are not able to continue our relationship at this time. The following reasons have contributed to this termination:

* You are rude. You say rude things to me, my husband or my child. You do not know when to use your mental filter that tells you what is appropriate to say out loud and what is not.
* I can never meet your demands. No matter how hard I try, I am never able to make you happy with my life, actions, ideas and choices.
* You have made me feel inadequate in this_________(family/friendship/situation etc) on numerous occasions.
* You have disrespected my values and my family on numerous occasions.

Again, I would like to express my deepest regret that this relationship must be terminated, however I don't have the time/energy/desire to continue working on a relationship that is both physically and mentally draining to me. The relationship is one way, there is no return for the work I put into it and for that it must end.

I wish you nothing but the best in your future endeavors and relationships. It is my hope that you will learn from this debacle of a relationship and improve your future relationships.

Sincerely,

Me

"In Praise of Stay-at-Home Moms"

I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this before, but I am a stay-at-home mom (other than that whole college thing). Now I may or may not have mentioned this before, but I have gotten my fair share of grief for that choice that my husband and I made. These naysayers (as Dr. Laura puts it) have said things like "why are you bothering getting a degree" or "just get over it, everyone leaves there kids" and "no one wants someone else to raise their kids, but you can't live on a single income." A lot of these naysayers pretty much say the same thing in the end and that is "get over it." Well I wont. I can't. I know that there are so many ways in which different families can function, this is simply our way. Mom stays home and raises the kids and dad goes to work (for money).

Keeping all this in mind while I was rummaging through the Barnes and Noble 50% off bin a couple of weeks ago I found this book (for $2.98 after the discounts) In Praise of Stay-at-Home Moms by Dr. Laura Schlessinger.  I had heard of Dr. Laura before, but didn't really know anything about her. I bought this book only because of the title and the price.

I read the dedication and was in tears. Dr. Laura recalls an email she once received that captures the exact sentiment I feel about wanting to stay home and raise my children.

Here are my favorite parts of that email:

I had to spend as much time with my children as I could. My husband worked extra hours, I made do with what we had, and we made things work for us. My husband would work at night or at home, but if there was a baseball game-he was there. I but everyone's hair, including my own, did my own nails, and never bought anything that was on ale. We were happy.

There were many days where I was pulling out my hair, found myself screaming at them, and was totally exhausted by the end of the day, thinking to myself, "Any other work would be a pleasant relief." But there were also many moments I would never trade for any job, no matter what the pay. Those moments when your child gives you a smile or a look you never forget, moments when they would give you a kiss, a hug or just hold your hand for no reason. Those are the moments a mother treasures in her heart forever and they can never be replaced, not even by a grandmother.

The woman goes on to tell Dr. Laura that her middle son passed away at the age of 22 and how grateful she is for all of the simple moments she shared with him while she was staying home, raising her son.

We never know what life has in store for us and our children, because of this I want to do everything in my power to cherish my kids, love them to pieces and always be there for them.

It is my hope then when my own naysayers are bringing me down I will be able to find a passage in this book that helps lift me back up.

I promise to share those passages with you.