Friday, August 12, 2011
Why I stay home.
Being a stay-at-home-mom is probably one of the most important things in the world to me, second only to being a good wife. Because it is so important to me I am very sensitive about the subject, I have gotten a lot of criticism from people who are supposed to be close to me and also rude comments about how boring it must be blah blah blah.
Well my only response to the boring comments is my personal opinion and that is "You can't possibly get bored unless you are sitting around ignoring your kids all day. There is always something to do." Sure you might get bored of the routine every once in a while, but all you have to do is switch it up. When you're a SAHM you are the boss, you make the schedule, choose the days events and are the only one who decides if it is boring or not.
Something I read in Dr. Laura's In Praise of Stay-At-Home-Moms made a lot of sense to me. Dr. Laura said "More often than not, these "grandmothers," are acting out their guilt for not raising you." The quote was in regard to SAHM's who are getting the guilt trip from their own mothers about staying home. That thought just might be true, in my case at least I hear a lot of the negative comments from older women who didn't stay home with their kids or women around my age who don't plan on staying home with their kids.
I'm not saying being a SAHM is the only way, or the only right way, or the best way for everyone, but it is for me and my family.
I used to want to have a career, have a few kids and put them in daycare, that was my dream as a teen. I did not want to stay home. Once I got married and started thinking about having my own family the idea of having babies to then leave them in the care of someone else all day was too much for me. I didn't want to do it. Luckily, I married a wonderful man who completely supports my decision to stay home and raise our children, even if that means he has to work harder and we will have fewer things. I am one of the lucky ones, I know that.
Even though I know I am one of the lucky ones who gets to stay home with my child it doesn't make it any easier to hear the bullshit negative comments. Just like I don't judge moms who love their careers and want to keep them after having children, I don't want to be judged for wanting to stay home with my kids over a career.
Another thing in Dr. Laura's book really hit me hard and it was "Being a SAHM was fabulous-even though it was very difficult. It was my second chance to have a mother-child relationship. The first one was a bust. But the second one? Well my son is in the military and says, "I love you, Mom," ever time we end a phone conversation."
Bingo. Right. There. That is is. That is what I want, it is why I am doing this. I want to give my child everything I never had. I want to be there for him no matter the day, whether he is happy or sad, sick or health, loving me or hating me. I want to be there. He will know that no matter what, mom is there and always will be.
So like I said, this is my dream come true. I might not seem like the most ambitious person in the world, but really I am. I am dedicating my life to my husband and my children and nothing else. Anything else will just be a very distant third. After all, what other job can you think of where you can sit at your computer (during nap time) and write about your life while you rock out to and Eric Clapton playlist?
Well my only response to the boring comments is my personal opinion and that is "You can't possibly get bored unless you are sitting around ignoring your kids all day. There is always something to do." Sure you might get bored of the routine every once in a while, but all you have to do is switch it up. When you're a SAHM you are the boss, you make the schedule, choose the days events and are the only one who decides if it is boring or not.
Something I read in Dr. Laura's In Praise of Stay-At-Home-Moms made a lot of sense to me. Dr. Laura said "More often than not, these "grandmothers," are acting out their guilt for not raising you." The quote was in regard to SAHM's who are getting the guilt trip from their own mothers about staying home. That thought just might be true, in my case at least I hear a lot of the negative comments from older women who didn't stay home with their kids or women around my age who don't plan on staying home with their kids.
I'm not saying being a SAHM is the only way, or the only right way, or the best way for everyone, but it is for me and my family.
I used to want to have a career, have a few kids and put them in daycare, that was my dream as a teen. I did not want to stay home. Once I got married and started thinking about having my own family the idea of having babies to then leave them in the care of someone else all day was too much for me. I didn't want to do it. Luckily, I married a wonderful man who completely supports my decision to stay home and raise our children, even if that means he has to work harder and we will have fewer things. I am one of the lucky ones, I know that.
Even though I know I am one of the lucky ones who gets to stay home with my child it doesn't make it any easier to hear the
Another thing in Dr. Laura's book really hit me hard and it was "Being a SAHM was fabulous-even though it was very difficult. It was my second chance to have a mother-child relationship. The first one was a bust. But the second one? Well my son is in the military and says, "I love you, Mom," ever time we end a phone conversation."
Bingo. Right. There. That is is. That is what I want, it is why I am doing this. I want to give my child everything I never had. I want to be there for him no matter the day, whether he is happy or sad, sick or health, loving me or hating me. I want to be there. He will know that no matter what, mom is there and always will be.
So like I said, this is my dream come true. I might not seem like the most ambitious person in the world, but really I am. I am dedicating my life to my husband and my children and nothing else. Anything else will just be a very distant third. After all, what other job can you think of where you can sit at your computer (during nap time) and write about your life while you rock out to and Eric Clapton playlist?
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
There is a reason
. . . Why "I mommy by my own book."
Toddler Milestones
Check out that link and, if you have a child in that age bracket be prepared to have a complete meltdown because your child hasn't reached a certain milestone yet or feel like the best parent ever because your child is well ahead of the curve. Now, I get it. These "guidelines" are important to be somewhat aware of because they can alert you if your child is not developing on track but they should still be seen as very vague guidelines.
My son did everything early until he was about a year old. Every milestone was reached about a month early. So what? I must be supermom who has impeccable genetics making all other children inferior to mine. Right? Not at all. My son may climb, run, wave, kiss, play, dance, jump blah blah blah all day long but the kid doesn't say a single word (I don't count "dada" or "mumum" to be words). He does communicate all of his needs to his father and I just fine. He "just doesn't have anything to say" according to my lovely cousin/expert mother.
My scenario is this. At my sons 12 month check up his doctor put the fear of God in me. "If he isn't saying three words by the time he is 15 months old then we will have to send him to a specialist and consider it a real problem." Que mom's three month panic attack. So here I am, spending the next three months desperately wanting my son to say one word. Just. One. Word.
He didn't.
We go in for his 15 month check up, after a sleepless night for mom wondering what Dr. Must-Be-Right-On-Schedule will say to us. As soon as he enters the room I start explaining what Danny does babble, how he communicates and point out that he does not have any "real" words. Dr. MBROS says "oh he is communicating just fine, don't worry about it." Thanks, asshole. Thank you so much for letting me spend the last THREE MONTHS worried that my kid was behind. Now Dr. Asshole isn't really an asshole. He was actually my pediatrician growing up and took care of most of my cousins and friends. I do trust him for medical advice and care. But, just as my instincts have always said-mommy by your own book!!! Don't follow some chart and agonize over ensuring that your child meets every mark. If you're a responsible mom (or dad) and are paying attention to your child's development then you will know if there is something wrong or at least you'll see a red flag if you get a suspicion that something is off. Don't let the doctor freak you out, don't let other moms make you feel small because your kid isn't where theirs is, and don't let overbearing mothers/aunts/sisters try to tell you about your child. You are the mom and you know what it best, you know if your kid is doing ok better than anyone else.
By the way, Danny is totally dancing like an 18 month old. . . isn't he great!
I kid, I kid.
Toddler Milestones
Check out that link and, if you have a child in that age bracket be prepared to have a complete meltdown because your child hasn't reached a certain milestone yet or feel like the best parent ever because your child is well ahead of the curve. Now, I get it. These "guidelines" are important to be somewhat aware of because they can alert you if your child is not developing on track but they should still be seen as very vague guidelines.
My son did everything early until he was about a year old. Every milestone was reached about a month early. So what? I must be supermom who has impeccable genetics making all other children inferior to mine. Right? Not at all. My son may climb, run, wave, kiss, play, dance, jump blah blah blah all day long but the kid doesn't say a single word (I don't count "dada" or "mumum" to be words). He does communicate all of his needs to his father and I just fine. He "just doesn't have anything to say" according to my lovely cousin/expert mother.
My scenario is this. At my sons 12 month check up his doctor put the fear of God in me. "If he isn't saying three words by the time he is 15 months old then we will have to send him to a specialist and consider it a real problem." Que mom's three month panic attack. So here I am, spending the next three months desperately wanting my son to say one word. Just. One. Word.
He didn't.
We go in for his 15 month check up, after a sleepless night for mom wondering what Dr. Must-Be-Right-On-Schedule will say to us. As soon as he enters the room I start explaining what Danny does babble, how he communicates and point out that he does not have any "real" words. Dr. MBROS says "oh he is communicating just fine, don't worry about it." Thanks, asshole. Thank you so much for letting me spend the last THREE MONTHS worried that my kid was behind. Now Dr. Asshole isn't really an asshole. He was actually my pediatrician growing up and took care of most of my cousins and friends. I do trust him for medical advice and care. But, just as my instincts have always said-mommy by your own book!!! Don't follow some chart and agonize over ensuring that your child meets every mark. If you're a responsible mom (or dad) and are paying attention to your child's development then you will know if there is something wrong or at least you'll see a red flag if you get a suspicion that something is off. Don't let the doctor freak you out, don't let other moms make you feel small because your kid isn't where theirs is, and don't let overbearing mothers/aunts/sisters try to tell you about your child. You are the mom and you know what it best, you know if your kid is doing ok better than anyone else.
By the way, Danny is totally dancing like an 18 month old. . . isn't he great!
I kid, I kid.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Happy Birthday to my Wonderful Husband!
This may be a mommy blog but I can't let August 7th go by without writing a little something about my wonderful husband, after all he did make me a mother :).
My husband, Stephen, literally does it all. He is a kind, caring, considerate, loving and devoted man. He is super-dad. He does EVERYTHING for our son. From the day Danny was born Stephen has been in incredible dad mode, I tell people this all the time (and it is true) that until Danny was about two weeks old I only changed two diapers. He cleans/diapers/plays/feeds/disciplines/loves our son. There is nothing that he wont do for him or me for that matter. He has picked up so much slack at home since I went back to college, doing dishes, laundry and cleaning after working ten hours so I can study or write. He works hard every day so that I can stay home with Danny because he knows that it important for moms to stay home with their kids. He supports me in every way shape and form.
He has been my best friend since I was 16 years old. We have grown up together. He amazed me when he decided to enlist in the Marine Corps even though he didn't have a lot of support from his family and friends. He is his own person, never allows anyone to influence his thoughts or actions. He worked hard while in the military every day until he was honorably discharged so he could pursue other dreams.
I am so lucky to have such a wonderful man in my life. We've been through so much together, I am so thankful to have him as the most important person in my life. He has gone from the guy who would drive around and "wreck stuff" to the guy who watched Elmo's World on a daily basis but still manages to be the same goofy kid I fell in love with eight years ago.
Happy Birthday, Stephen!!
My husband, Stephen, literally does it all. He is a kind, caring, considerate, loving and devoted man. He is super-dad. He does EVERYTHING for our son. From the day Danny was born Stephen has been in incredible dad mode, I tell people this all the time (and it is true) that until Danny was about two weeks old I only changed two diapers. He cleans/diapers/plays/feeds/disciplines/loves our son. There is nothing that he wont do for him or me for that matter. He has picked up so much slack at home since I went back to college, doing dishes, laundry and cleaning after working ten hours so I can study or write. He works hard every day so that I can stay home with Danny because he knows that it important for moms to stay home with their kids. He supports me in every way shape and form.
He has been my best friend since I was 16 years old. We have grown up together. He amazed me when he decided to enlist in the Marine Corps even though he didn't have a lot of support from his family and friends. He is his own person, never allows anyone to influence his thoughts or actions. He worked hard while in the military every day until he was honorably discharged so he could pursue other dreams.
I am so lucky to have such a wonderful man in my life. We've been through so much together, I am so thankful to have him as the most important person in my life. He has gone from the guy who would drive around and "wreck stuff" to the guy who watched Elmo's World on a daily basis but still manages to be the same goofy kid I fell in love with eight years ago.
Happy Birthday, Stephen!!
Friday, August 5, 2011
I didn't suck today
Or yesterday.
After a hellish day like Wednesday my son and I both deserved to have a great day where neither of us broke down and cried. We both needed all the giggles and hugs that were had the last two days. Tickle fights, stroller rides and swims in my Grandma's pool.
I have to acknowledge a very sad (yet inevitable) thing that is happening to our family. Our beautiful, fun, mature, caring and kind little (but not so little anymore) sister is leaving for college next week. She (hubby's sister, my SIL) is going to play all kinds of NCAA sports, major in Psychology and pretty much be a rock star. I have known her since she was 9, loved her since the day I met her and I am so sad she'll be living so far away. But, I know she is going to do wonderful things in her life, and going to college in Vermont is just one of her stepping stones. So to that wonderful aunt/sister/friend, we love yo to pieces and we will miss you like crazy.
(Don't go)
After a hellish day like Wednesday my son and I both deserved to have a great day where neither of us broke down and cried. We both needed all the giggles and hugs that were had the last two days. Tickle fights, stroller rides and swims in my Grandma's pool.
I have to acknowledge a very sad (yet inevitable) thing that is happening to our family. Our beautiful, fun, mature, caring and kind little (but not so little anymore) sister is leaving for college next week. She (hubby's sister, my SIL) is going to play all kinds of NCAA sports, major in Psychology and pretty much be a rock star. I have known her since she was 9, loved her since the day I met her and I am so sad she'll be living so far away. But, I know she is going to do wonderful things in her life, and going to college in Vermont is just one of her stepping stones. So to that wonderful aunt/sister/friend, we love yo to pieces and we will miss you like crazy.
(Don't go)
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Worst. Mom. Ever.
Yes. That was me yesterday. Worst mom on the planet.
Well. . .
The day started off as the day from hell (and I mean it, no amount of Hail Mary's would have saved this day). My sweet little angel woke up at 4:21am ready to party. Hubby and I took turns trying to get him to sleep, occupying him, playing with him and essentially giving up and letting him run around the house like a circus freak.
Our early morning led to a very crabby toddler who would not nap. Seriously. Would. Not. Nap. I have never seen a child act sobratty grumpy as my child did yesterday. He was literally walking around the house whining. Just walking around whining. Room to room. Usually when he is in a whiney mood we just leave, go for a drive, walk around the mall, find a park-anything to get him out of the house and happy again.
It didn't work this time. We literally went from 4:21 am to 8:00pm with a crabby kid who wanted nothing to do with anything but himself and his little grumpy pity party. Maybe he knew Elmo was on re-run or something.
I don't know.
By the time dinner was over and I was trying to get the little angel into the bathtub I had had it. I had nothing left to give. This of course is when he decides to go all rambo baby on me. Running around the house, trying to jump into the filling bath tub while still dressed, tearing his training potty apart, throwing things. This kid had to have been trying to get me going.
It worked.
I lost it. I mean lost it. I was acting like my own mother. I wont go that far because I wasn't under the influence of anything other than a very naughty little boy, but I was yelling. Not nice Mommy, not nice.
While I was in the poorly thought out idea to get the kid to sit down on the floor while I finished getting the bath ready, mid yell my hubby walks in the door.
Busted.
He graciously offered to take over. I turned him down, feeling guilty that I let a toddler get the best of me. So together we bathed, jammied, played and read to our little boy who suddenly became a little sweetheart. Maybe I just needed to wash the monster off of him.
Yesterday wasn't exactly one of those days that make you think of "the joys of motherhood." I never dreamed of days like that when I was pregnant and so excited about having a baby and taking care of that baby every day. No mother dreams of these days, but they do happen. Every mom breaks down, gets frustrated and lets the little "monsters" win. Days like yesterday just remind me how lucky I am when my little guy wants to cuddle with me on the couch and watch Mickey Mouse. The good definitely out weighs the bad in our family and I am so thankful for that. My son is healthy and happy (most of the time). So abratty grumpy day here and there are nothing I can't handle.
I will remember that next time he is being a monster. I will. I promise.
Well. . .
The day started off as the day from hell (and I mean it, no amount of Hail Mary's would have saved this day). My sweet little angel woke up at 4:21am ready to party. Hubby and I took turns trying to get him to sleep, occupying him, playing with him and essentially giving up and letting him run around the house like a circus freak.
Our early morning led to a very crabby toddler who would not nap. Seriously. Would. Not. Nap. I have never seen a child act so
It didn't work this time. We literally went from 4:21 am to 8:00pm with a crabby kid who wanted nothing to do with anything but himself and his little grumpy pity party. Maybe he knew Elmo was on re-run or something.
I don't know.
By the time dinner was over and I was trying to get the little angel into the bathtub I had had it. I had nothing left to give. This of course is when he decides to go all rambo baby on me. Running around the house, trying to jump into the filling bath tub while still dressed, tearing his training potty apart, throwing things. This kid had to have been trying to get me going.
It worked.
I lost it. I mean lost it.
While I was in the poorly thought out idea to get the kid to sit down on the floor while I finished getting the bath ready, mid yell my hubby walks in the door.
Busted.
He graciously offered to take over. I turned him down, feeling guilty that I let a toddler get the best of me. So together we bathed, jammied, played and read to our little boy who suddenly became a little sweetheart. Maybe I just needed to wash the monster off of him.
Yesterday wasn't exactly one of those days that make you think of "the joys of motherhood." I never dreamed of days like that when I was pregnant and so excited about having a baby and taking care of that baby every day. No mother dreams of these days, but they do happen. Every mom breaks down, gets frustrated and lets the little "monsters" win. Days like yesterday just remind me how lucky I am when my little guy wants to cuddle with me on the couch and watch Mickey Mouse. The good definitely out weighs the bad in our family and I am so thankful for that. My son is healthy and happy (most of the time). So a
I will remember that next time he is being a monster. I will. I promise.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
A letter to a person in your life who should be "let go"
Just for fun =)
Dear person in my life who is no longer welcome,
This letter is to inform you that you are no longer welcome as an active member in my life. I would like to express my sincere regret that you and I are not able to continue our relationship at this time. The following reasons have contributed to this termination:
* You are rude. You say rude things to me, my husband or my child. You do not know when to use your mental filter that tells you what is appropriate to say out loud and what is not.
* I can never meet your demands. No matter how hard I try, I am never able to make you happy with my life, actions, ideas and choices.
* You have made me feel inadequate in this_________(family/friendship/situation etc) on numerous occasions.
* You have disrespected my values and my family on numerous occasions.
Again, I would like to express my deepest regret that this relationship must be terminated, however I don't have the time/energy/desire to continue working on a relationship that is both physically and mentally draining to me. The relationship is one way, there is no return for the work I put into it and for that it must end.
I wish you nothing but the best in your future endeavors and relationships. It is my hope that you will learn from this debacle of a relationship and improve your future relationships.
Sincerely,
Me
Dear person in my life who is no longer welcome,
This letter is to inform you that you are no longer welcome as an active member in my life. I would like to express my sincere regret that you and I are not able to continue our relationship at this time. The following reasons have contributed to this termination:
* You are rude. You say rude things to me, my husband or my child. You do not know when to use your mental filter that tells you what is appropriate to say out loud and what is not.
* I can never meet your demands. No matter how hard I try, I am never able to make you happy with my life, actions, ideas and choices.
* You have made me feel inadequate in this_________(family/friendship/situation etc) on numerous occasions.
* You have disrespected my values and my family on numerous occasions.
Again, I would like to express my deepest regret that this relationship must be terminated, however I don't have the time/energy/desire to continue working on a relationship that is both physically and mentally draining to me. The relationship is one way, there is no return for the work I put into it and for that it must end.
I wish you nothing but the best in your future endeavors and relationships. It is my hope that you will learn from this debacle of a relationship and improve your future relationships.
Sincerely,
Me
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