When I can't sleep

... I bake. Apparently. 

A few months ago my kids and I roadtripped to Amish Country, Pa with my mother-in-law. We didn't get to do half of the things we wanted (basically because the kids were demanding). One if the things that my MIL kept talking about was getting strawberry pie. It was the beginning of strawberry season. 

Well pie we did not get. Bummer. Danny hasn't let me forget about it. I swear, one day that kid will forget something. 

We finally decided to buy a ton of strawberries and make a pie. I love pies, but I love making them even more. I have always wanted to make a strawberry pie. 

This was my first time making a crust from scratch. 

I have never been great at shaping a crust or getting it in the pie plate. But really, who cares about the crust?

After making the crust I cleaned and cut the strawberries. Then I baked the crust, it took a lot longer than the directions I found online. I think it may have been because I used whole wheat flour, but I am not really sure about that. 

Then it was time to make the strawberry filling. I boiled half of the strawberries with sugar. 

My house smells amazing.  

Half if the strawberries went in the crust, and the other half was boiled into the delicious gooey filling and poured on too of the raw strawberries. The beautiful concoction is "chilling" in the fridge as I type. I am not sure if I can wait until tomorrow night to try/serve it. We might have strawberry pie for breakfast. That should help the kids do well at swim lessons 😜. 

Hello lover.

I got the pie recipe here: http://m.allrecipes.com/recipe/15836/strawberry-pie-ii

And the crust recipe here: http://www.williams-sonoma.com/m/recipe/basic-pie-dough.html

I always improvise a little when I bake. I can't wait to see if this recipe is as good as it smells! 

Saturday night

My Saturday night looks like this:

Folding cloth diapers and watching While You Were Sleeping. It isn't one of my favorite movies, but I do love it! 

I remember when my Saturday night would consist of bar hopping and dancing. That was great. But this is better. I wouldn't change anything. 

That is not true. I would love it if my husband was home watching the movie with me and helping me fold diapers. That is the one thing that I would love to change about life. I wish he were home every night like so many if my friends husbands. I miss when our life was simpler, when we had all the time in the world together. 

Sometimes being married to a police officer is hard. Not as hard as being a police officer, but still hard. It gets lonely. But I am super proud of him for working so hard and being so brave. 

Even if it does mean I give 90% of the baths, cook 100% of the dinners, and wipe 85% of the butts. 

So if you are bar hopping or dancing, enjoy it, this season of life will not last. 

If your husband comes home every night,  count yourself lucky and enjoy your time together. 

If your husband is deployed and you have been on your own for months, tell me to stop whining and give yourself a pat on the back. 

Welcome back

Why hello!! Long time no see.

Welcome to my world. It revolves around these two:

Layla and Danny May 2014

Danny and Layla. What can I say? They really are my wold. They keep me busy, but we have a lot of fun. They challenge me in ways only a mother could ever know, but this is exactly what I want to me doing with my time. Sometimes I can't believe how right our life is. For all the struggles we face, there are a thousand smiles, silly phrases, hugs and beautiful moments that I will cherish forever.

Danny and me laying in Layla's big girl bed.

This one is four now. How did that happen? He is incredibly handsome, his eyes alone will break hearts one day. He loves Pixar's CARS, Planes and batman. He still loves to read; he actually was the first child in our county to complete the 500 by five reading program. He completed it before he turned four. I am so proud. He is learning to read on his own. Although we have decided to homeschool him for his prek year he is very excited for kindergarten next fall. He loves his sister and wants to be a police officer when he grows up, just like his dad.

Layla and Danny's Batman doll.

This beautiful girl is 1 1/2 and as sweet as can be. She gave me a run for my money in the beginning, but what a perfect piece to our family puzzle she became. I can't get over how much she is loved and how much her presence enriches our lives. She looks like her dad, but has my sensitive soul. She has a spit-fire personality like her aunts, and is very dramatic. She loves ladybugs, puppies, Disney princesses and books. She also loves babies, but we are thinking if we ever brought one home to keep she wouldn't be so happy.

This guy is what makes our family possible:

Our family, June 4th, 2014

Stephen works hard (so hard) for our family and community. He is a kick-butt police officer. He works tons of PT hours after his regular shifts to provide for our family, and to allow me to stay home with our children, something that we decided would be the right decision not long after we married. He is an amazing father to our two kids, they adore him. I couldn't be more proud of my Marine turned cop!

We recently relocated to be closer to his work, which happens to be the city where we both grew up. It was a decision we felt very unsure of until we were here, and now we realize we have found our forever home (just not the house yet). Never say never, because we did, and here we are as happy as we have ever been.

As for me, I am doing great! I had a really hard time with postpartum depression after Layla was born. I don't think I felt like me again until well after her first birthday. Luckily I had my husband and kids keeping me going, even when things got really dark. Moving back to our hometown has been such a blessing! We get to see our friends so often now! My BFF moved back to the area a few weeks after we did and it is so much fun spending time together.

A few weeks ago my two besties and I had a girls night and met this chick:

Michelle, Rachel, Emily Giffen and me. June 10th, 2014

If you don't know her then shame on you ;). Emily Giffin is my favorite living author. We met her in DC, had a lovely conversation with her and had books signed. It was a night I will never forget! Read any and all of her books when you get a chance, you will not regret it!

My family has been through a lot in the past four years since turning into a family from a couple. We have had good times and bad, really bad, but the good always comes back and makes everything beautiful. We have learned how to handle difficult situations, and people. We know who matters in the big scheme of things and who doesn't. We have learned how to let things roll of our shoulders and focus on the good in our lives. 

We are doing our best to raise our kids to be kind and to think of others. We teach them respect others and try to instill in them traditional values. None of us are perfect, but we are doing our best every day to do the right thing. 

Homemade non-toxic

Okay, so I know I haven't posted here in SO long. Frankly, I have been busy (what mom isn't), and I have been working on other writing projects that haven't left enough time to dedicate to this one. I will work on that.

I made a facebook status today asking if anyone has made a good dishwasher detergent. I have officially replaced all my household cleaners with homemade non-toxic cleaners, with the exception of dishwasher detergent.

How did I do it? Well I am actually very creative, smart and awesome. That is how.

NOT.

I google, try a few and keep the ones I like. I can't take the credit for any of these recipes. I will share my not-so-secrets, and credit the person I got the idea from where I can.

All Purpose Cleaner
*1 spray bottle
*Equal parts white vinegar and water
BOOM. That is it. Simple, yet effective.
If you really hate the smell of vinegar you can add essential oils, or vanilla, almond extract to mask the scent. My only suggestion is to shake the bottle before each use because the parts will separate and you'll get a strong dose of vinegar.
This is my primary cleaner. I even use it in my steam carpet cleaner!
This cleaner works for cleaning counter tops, toilets, sinks, floors, windows, everything! I don't even buy floor cleaner anymore, I add this little concoction to my Rubbermaid Swiffer Wet Jet knock-off and it cleans the floors. I know I have blogged about this before, but this cleaner is awesome. The best part about it is that you can spray it all over your kids toys to clean them, and they will not get sick from it. They wont put their grubby little hands and mouths all over nasty chemical covered toys anymore.

Laundry Detergent -NOT safe for Cloth Diapers (or so I am told)
*1 4 lb 12 oz box Borax (2.15 kg or 76 oz) found in the detergent isle

*1 4 lb box Arm & Hammer Baking Soda (1.81 kg) found in the cooking isle

*1  box Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda 55 oz (3 lb 7 oz) found in the detergent isle

*3 bars of Fels-Naptha soap, found in the detergent isle (if you use Zote bars use 2 bars instead, 

  Zote  can be found at Home Depot)

*2 small containers of Oxy Clean or store brand Oxy Clean (try to get about 3.5 lbs total (1.58 kg)) found in the detergent isle.




The woman who I got this recipe from says that you can find all the products at the grocery store, I found that to NOT be true, but it still wasn't hard to get the ingredients.

I use 1Tbsp per load, unless I am washing soiled sheets from the kids, then it gets a double dose.
This recipe is great because it cleans REALLY well, but doesn't have a strong smell. I used to LOVE the smell of laundry detergent, but now that I know those scents are really just nasty chemicals to breathe in I appreciate the fainter smells of things :).

To make: Simply combine all the ingredients in a big trash bag and mix well. You have to grate or food process the three bars of soap, then mix it in. I don't have a food processor, so I hand grate the soap, which is a huge pain in the butt, I keep toying with the idea of leaving the soap out, but I don't know if that would hinder the cleaning capabilities. Anyone know the answer to that?

This recipe makes two gallons of detergent, and lasts me about 9 months. And I do A LOT of laundry not including my cloth diapers). The work is worth it to me to never have to run out and buy detergent. Making a batch every 9 months is no big deal since it works so well/lasts so long.

THIS is where I got the recipe. Thanks, Creative Mama!

If the laundry detergent recipe was discouraging because there are so many things you have to buy, no fear, it gets MUCH easier.

I was using a lot of Lysol spray with a newly potty-trained 3-year-old, and a diaper sprayer (if you cloth diaper, you know what I am talking about). Essentially, I am constantly wiping off the toilet, and spraying the germs away. But Lysol is nasty and toxic, so I did some more google-ing. I will admit that the options don't sound very exciting, but the one I chose seems to work, and again, it isn't going to poison my family, so I will take it.

Disinfectant Spray
*2 spray bottles
*White vinegar
*Hydrogen peroxide

This is SO EASY. Put the vinegar in the first spray bottle (label it), put the sprayer from the second bottle on the peroxide bottle. You are DONE. Spray the peroxide on the surface you with to de-funk, then follow up with the vinegar. BOOM. You are done.

The first time I tried this I used way too much and it didn't dry quickly, I learned less is more. Now I am not worried about poo and pee germs all over the bathroom, and I am not coughing up  my lungs from the fumes from Lysol.

I suggest visiting the link below to learn more about this home-remedy 
Thanks, BrightNest. 


Toilet Bowl Cleaner

I am not giving you a recipe for something you can combine in a bottle and spray in the toilet. This isn't as simple, but it is still easy. The best part about it is if you are making the other recipes I have posted, you already have the ingredients.

*1/2 cup baking soda

*8 drops tea-tree or melaleuca essential oil

*1/2 cup distilled white vinegar

Pour Baking Soda directly into the toilet boil add oil, then vinegar - in this order.

Add Essential Oil

Let sit for about 10 minutes then scrub with toilet brush.

DONE. Easy.

I don't always use essential oils because they aren't as easy to pick up at Target (are they?), and because as soon as you flush the toilet the smell of vinegar is gone. But do whatever floats your boat. 

This is where I got the idea!

Laundry Stain Remover

This one is pretty easy, and you already have the ingredients. There are some stains that I have not been able to get out of my kids clothes no matter what I try, even shout, spray 'n wash and oxyclean. So I don't feel bad if this recipe doesn't always work, some kids clothes are just not going to make it to the next one.

This is what you need:

*baking soda

*vinegar

*old toothbrush

*Spray or drip bottle

Mix vinegar with equal parts water in the bottle.

Shake or sprinkle baking soda on the stain, then spray or drip vinegar and water mixture on top. Scrub the stain a bit with the toothbrush and let sit for about 5 minutes, then wash with your regular load of laundry. Wasn't that easy??

Simple Homemade gave me this idea!

So there you go, that is how I keep my house clean. I am sure you are wondering if my house is actually clean, or if it reeks of vinegar. Well the answer is yes, my house is very clean, I am a little too Type A for my own good. My house is company ready 95% of the time, I can't function if it is not. And my house doesn't smell like vinegar. It is an older rental house, so it doesn't smell like a bed of roses like I would like my home to, but it doesn't smell like vinegar, either. 

Make sure you label your products!

The Business of Being Born, Part Two

Okay, so I finished the documentary. I said I was going to wait until my husband could finish it with me, but I couldn't wait.

It was amazing.

I would like to say that it changed my life, but having my son in crappy hospital, and having been under the care of a crappy doctor for the entire pregnancy is what made me evaluate my options, and is what opened my eyes.

But if you have never considered the way the US treats childbirth, this movie will change your life, or at least open your eyes to a lot of things.

The documentary talks about how we as a country got to where we are where childbirth is concerned. It talks about the good, the bad and the ugly regarding how doctors and hospitals treat pregnant women and childbirth.

The documentary isn't pushy, yet it doesn't tip toe around the truth.

I think anyone who has had a baby, or ever plans on having a baby should watch this documentary. And if you are a "crazy hippy" like myself, who wants to have a baby in a bath tub and go home five minutes later, you should make your family watch the documentary, that way they wont treat you like a "crazy hippy."

The Business of Being Born

The documentary brought to the world by Rikki Lake has me fascinated.

I am only 20 minutes in, but I am amazed at what I am seeing. I am waiting until my husband can finish the movie with me because he was getting into it as he got himself ready to leave for work tonight.

I have had a hospital birth and a birth center birth. One with every bit of medical intervention you can imagine, and the later with zero. I want to see more, but my experiences sound a lot like Rikki Lake's, and I can see why she got so involved in the birth practices in the United States.

I will write more after I finish the "show," but I can already confidently say that any women who has had a baby, or ever plans on having a baby needs to see this documentary.

Brother and Sister

I mean, come on. . .

3/27/2013

 

 

 

I don't know about you, but my brothers spent the better part of my childhood being really mean to me. Danny asked to hold Layla. So sweet.

It almost make me forget that he did this to her several weeks ago:

Three Months

I haven't blogged in three months.

I tried once, and I even wrote up a nice post (the topic I can't seem to remember), but blogger ate it or didn't like it. . . whatever happened doesn't matter. I haven't posted in SOOOOO long.

Why?

I have an almost three year old who keeps me moving all day, a six-month-old who only sleeps for 3-4 hour stretches at night, and a husband who is a cop and works crazy hours, with zero consistency, schedule wise.

I might complain and feel sorry for myself sometimes, but I am not stupid, I know so many other moms and dads have tougher situations than our family. But, it can still be rough.

A quick recap, Danny is talking about anything and everything, whether you want to listen or not. He says whatever is on his mind. He loves CARS and monster trucks, and also Veggie Tales. We listen to Veggie Tales on Pandora all the time and he sings along to almost every song. Layla rolls over and sits up and gets on all fours to try to get places. She isn't crawling yet, but she lunges towards things she can't reach. She laughs and smiles all the time and squeals way too loudly when she is bored. She just turned six months, so I started her on baby food, she hates sweet potatoes (breaks my heart), but loves apple sauce.

The hubby and I are exhausted. Work and kids, and almost no time for play, but we have an awesome aunt and uncle who had kids young and are living it up in their 50's now that the kids are grown. We aren't in a hurry to have the kids grown, but know it will be fun to have time to be together like we used to.

Now back to my mind-numbing netflix binge of The Secret Life of the American Teenager. The show is terrible, but I am hooked. It is on ABC family, but not the quality of my favorite show, Switched at Birth, but it slows down my mind at the end of the day.

Maybe I should read a book. . .

Cloth Diapers

Lately I have been bragging a lot about my love for cloth diapers, and my happiness in the decision I made to CD with Layla. Now that we have been CDing for two months, and are finally out of the disposable diapers we bought during Hurricane Sandy, we are exclusively CDing. The time has come for me to write a little bit about it.

I will start by saying that cloth diapering does not look like it used to:

In fact, my Grandma often says that I am not allowed to call it cloth diapering, because it is so much better and easier than it was back in her day. I love you Grandma, but whatever, it is CDing for this generation.

I am not going to review the products I use in this post, that will happen the next time I get both kids to sleep at the same time. I am simply going to talk about it for all of my friends who have been asking.

There are many different kinds of CDs. I have chosen to use All in One (AIO) and Hybrid (AI2) diapers. Between the two types of diapers I have 50 diapers. I also have two diaper bags, which are a cool and convenient version of the diaper pail, two wet bags (think of them as travel diaper pails), a diaper sprayer, a diaper ointment stick and All Free and Clear detergent.

Those things are all I have and need to cloth diaper for two plus years. Most of the diapers are one size, so they adjust and grow with Layla until she is potty trained.

Thirsties AIO diaper. This is what CDs look like these days.

So how do you CD? Well, first you research (and ask your awesome mom friends, ahem, Erin and Katie), then you buy the diaper stash and necessary accessories. Some diapers require "prepping" which means you wash them a bunch of times before they become absorbent enough for use. Many diaper companies sell special diaper detergent, I haven't tried them yet because the free and clear that I used before I started making my own detergent works just fine. I am also cloth wiping, but being the frugal gal that I am I bought cheap target baby wash cloths instead of the cloth wipes sold by diaper companies.

Once the diapers are ready you put them on the baby and let the baby "go" in them. I am kind of laughing at myself for writing that, but most people literally ask how I use the diapers, not how I take care of them, which is what I think most people really mean.

The diaper pail. There are a ton of diaper pails out there, but I chose to go the route of the hanging diaper bag. It is a washable bag that holds about 20 dirty diapers. It hangs on the back of the bathroom door in our home. If the diaper is only wet I just toss the diaper in the hanging pail. If the diaper is dirty then I spray the poop off into the toilet with the diaper sprayer, then toss the diaper in the pail. Simple.

So I mentioned that I have to use certain detergent to wash the diapers so they don't get a buildup of chemicals which would make the diapers less absorbent. I also have to use special diaper ointment when Layla needs it. There are many different kinds, but I chose to use the Magic Stick from GroVia. At first the thought of using an ointment stick grossed me out, but now that I have it and don't actually have to get diaper ointment on my hands I love it. Picture a fat chapstick for the baby's butt and you will know what I am talking about. It keeps Layla's hiney nice and shiny, and is safe for the diapers.

FAQs

Isn't is gross? Not at all. Changing diapers isn't the most fun task, whether cloth or disposable, but it is part of having babies. I would rather spray off the poopy diapers and toss them into the pail then scrub and stain remove poop from all of Layla's clothes. Disposable diapers leak all the time. If your baby has an explosion then the disposable diaper will leak 9 times out of 10. Cloth diapers do not leak. Layla is an exclusively breastfed pooping machine and her CDs have only leaked twice, both times were due to my husband and I putting the diaper on wrong. My favorite thing about the CDs is that they do not leak. Her clothes are stain free, which is nice because girl clothes are so cute!

Doesn't she get rashes easily? NO! Layla hasn't had a rash since we started CDing. It is true that you will change your baby more often in CDs, that is because they don't have the gross chemicals that make the disposable diapers feel dry when they are wet. Honestly, you should change your baby as soon as he or she wets anyway. If you know me, then you know I am very diligent about changing my babies diapers. I would be changing Layla just as much if she were in a disposable diaper.

How often do you wash them? It is recommended to wash the diapers after two days in the pail. Sometimes I do a load a day, sometimes I go two days, it depends on my mood and how many diapers we have been using. I then put them in the dryer for about 10-20 minutes on low heat, then line dry. It doesn't take a lot of time, and like I said before, I am not cleaning poop stains off of Layla's clothes, so I think I am probably saving time.

Why did you decide to CD? Well, after my son was born in 2010 I started turning into a bit of a tree hugging hippy. I started using fewer chemicals in my home and continue to try to use natural products. I decided that I think disposable diapers are kind of gross, and I didn't like having chemicals so close to my sons tush. I decided when we had another baby that we would make the investment in CDs. I was thrilled when I researched and found out that I would actually SAVE money by CDing. All of the products that I said we use cost less than $500. The only thing that will need to be replenished is the laundry detergent and the diaper ointment. It doesn't hurt that CDs are good for the environment. CDs are just good all around for our family. It also helps that they are so stinking cute!!

Layla in a GroVia AIO

The picture above isn't the best, the diaper looks huge on Layla, but this type is actually pretty trim under her clothes. It is adjustable, so it should fit her until she potty trains. I actually used a GroVia diaper as Danny's swim diaper in the Summer, so I am pretty confident that Lay will fit the diapers when she is two as well.

Layla in a GroVia AI2

I love that I am saving money, I never run out of diapers, I am keeping her precious skin away from chemicals, helping to conserve materials and not adding to landfills, while keeping Layla's tush in adorable colors and prints :).

1st baby | 2nd baby

There are countless differences between the 1st baby and the 2nd baby. Here are some of the ones that stand out to me.

Sleep issues
When the 1st baby wont sleep in his or her own bed you stay up all night "working on it." When the 2nd baby wont sleep in his or her own bed you bring the baby to bed with you. Probably because by the time the 1st baby was six-months old you gave in and brought the baby to your bed. The second one doesn't need six-months to wear you down, you are already worn.

The play-mat
The 1st baby doesn't use the play-mat till he/she is about three-months old. You just don't put him/her down long enough to try it. The 2nd baby is playing on the play-mat at two-weeks-old. He/she has probably been sat or stepped on by one-month.

Not-so-breakable
 This one might be the most important. I believe my husband and I treated our son, our sweet first born like glass. Our daughter, not so much. I mean, we are very careful with her, she hasn't be dropped yet, but our son has pretty much almost killed her several times. When she was a week old Danny drove his fire truck off the coffee table onto her face, while she slept in the Moses basket. He has jumped on her, hit her, rolled on her etc. She has cried, but she hasn't broken. Had we known how tough babies are we might have tossed Danny around a little more ;)

I am sure as time goes on I will notice more BIG differences between the first kid and second kid, but two things will NOT change no matter how many kids I have. They will be nursed until they quit on their own free will, and they will be in a rear facing carseat until they can no longer physically fit in the carseat while turned around :)

Party!

I'm sure you all think Layla is real cute.

REAL cute.

Layla 11/28/12 4:30 am

But that little face isn't so cute at 4:30 IN THE MORNING!!!

She wasn't angry, hungry, grumpy, and least of all, tired! She just wanted to party.

I'm all for parties, just not at 4:30 am. This girl thinks it is perfectly acceptable for her mother to function on about 3 1/2 hours of sleep every day. Not cool, Layla, not cool. By the time she wound down and fell back asleep Danny was up and ready to party. So here we are, nap time, for one of the kids and I have already put in a nine-hour day.

Just a day in the life.

Happy Thanksgiving

There are so many things to be thankful for.

Like this. . .

Thanksgiving 2012. Pop Pop and Danny.

 And these two. . .

Thanksgiving 2012. Stephen and Layla.

This little guy is amazing.

Danny 11/20/2012

 And that smile melts my heart.

Layla 11/20/2012

 I have a lot of things going on that I wish weren't. Stress, worry, family feuds etc. But I have so much more to be thankful for. My husband and children are so incredible and that is enough to live every day full of love and happiness.

Layla's Birthstory

Okay people, here it is, the birth story. Written in my own words, my own voice, with no regard for sound or style. This is how I would tell you the story if you asked me in person :)

Layla's Birth Story

The morning of September 23^rd, 2012 I woke up and felt a contraction while lying in bed. I didn't think anything of the contraction because I had been having them in the mornings before getting out of bed, but nothing ever came from them. I was happy that I felt something, since I hadn't felt anything since my midwife appointment several days earlier. I got out of bed and began getting myself and Danny ready for church and running errands after Mass. I felt a few more contractions, which surprised me because I hadn't felt a legitimate contraction other than in bed during the whole pregnancy. 

Layla two days old

We went to church and then to run errands. While we were shopping I felt a few more contractions. These contractions actually hurt a little, I kept wanting to describe them to my husband as “more than uncomfortable,” but I didn't want to get my hopes up that I was going into labor. I was four days past my due date and was trying to come to terms with the fact that we had scheduled an induction for the upcoming Friday. I had four days to go into labor on my own or I would be going down the long induction road that I had so hoped to avoid.

The contractions continued throughout the day, painful, but not killer, and they were not coming in any kind of pattern. We finished our errands and went home. I cleaned up the house and did some laundry, then Stephen spent time raking the yard while I swept the decks and watered flowers. My sister decided to come over for dinner, before she came I called her and told her “just in case” to bring some clothes to sleep in, that I was having contractions, “I didn't think it was labor,” but didn't want her to drive all the way to our house and end up staying over without anything she needed, in the off chance we had a baby tonight. By four o'clock my sister had been over for an hour or so, we were playing with Danny, and I was definitely having painful contractions in a regular pattern. As I was making dinner I started tracking the action on my husbands iphone. The contractions were coming about 8 minutes apart and lasting 30-45 seconds. It wasn't time to call the midwife, but I was definitely in labor. I didn't think I would be having a baby that night, but probably early the next morning.

The contractions kept coming, through dinner and getting Danny bathed they got more intense and lasted longer. While I was bathing Danny I had some really painful contractions, I actually had to stop what I was doing until they were over. Again, I was finally convinced I was in labor, but I didn't think it was going to happen soon because I felt totally fine during the breaks, and the breaks were lasting more than five minutes. I decided to put Danny to bed myself, thinking it might be the last time I put him to bed without a baby distracting me, I took special care and time getting him down that night.

Layla one week old.

When Danny was out for the night I decided I should time the contractions again. I found they were coming every five minutes, but lasting 60 seconds each. This meant it was time to call the midwife, if it kept up for an hour. Before I could get to an hour I began to feel a little bit of pressure (I kept thinking I needed to go to the bathroom, but I didn't). I also realized that I was having shorter contractions in between each that came every five minutes. By this time it was past nine o'clock, I decided to call the midwife and see what she thought. When the midwife on call, Shaina, called me back we talked about what was going on. She said, very much to my surprise, that I could head to the birth center if I wanted to. She said not to rush, but that it sounded like I was heading into active labor. I couldn't believe she wanted me to come in, I was talking to her on the phone and was perfectly calm and feeling fine, I was only in pain during contractions, but I had a nice break between each. I told my husband (who didn't even know I had called Shaina), that it was time to head to the center. We didn't have to rush, so we checked my bags and put some laundry away before we left. I also gave my sister a thousand instructions and tips on how to deal with Danny in the morning when he realized we weren't there.

By the time we got to the birth center it was about 10:45 pm, Shaina met us at the door and led us into the birth center. It was so weird to see the midwife office and birth center at night, with no one there. Shaina checked me and found that I was 8 cm dilated! I was so shocked, I kept thinking it was going to be a long drawn out labor, but I was already so far along. I felt so happy that I had done so much earlier in the day, I was sure that I helped myself out big time by keeping busy all day. Shaina said that she could break my water if I wanted, but warned that it would make contractions come much stronger and closer. I decided against that, thinking that it would just make labor harder and might not speed it up. I changed into my cute red nursing night gown and headed to the family area of the birth center. There was no one else there, and the family area was the only place that had a TV, my husband figured that since I was still feeling good we might as well watch the Ravens game.

I sat on the birth ball and got ready to watch football. It wasn't more than ten minutes when I suddenly had the worst back pain of my life, compiled with a killer contraction. I kind of started to freak out, my pain essentially went from zero to HOLY CRAP in a matter of seconds. I asked Shaina to fill the tub, thinking it would feel less bad to have contractions in the water. As she went to fill the tub I started feeling the worst contraction I could have imagined with a ton of pressure. I asked Stephen to help me to the bathroom where I sat down and felt a big pop. I obviously knew it was my water breaking, but it wasn't really clicking with me since there was no gush of water. I think her head must have been too low for the water to gush out like it often does. I got into the tub, even before it was finished filling up, because I just felt like I had to do something. I thought the water would make a world of difference. It didn't, but it did give me a tiny bit of relief. It was weird, I was so set on doing something in that moment, something to find relief. Now I know it was just time to have a baby, and nothing was going to make it not hurt.

Like I said, I was kind of freaking out at this point. I couldn't get in the zone that I had thought I would so easily get into when it was time to push. I wanted to get my mind to a place where I just breathed through the pain and worked through it, but I couldn't! The pain was so bad that I couldn't focus on my hypnobirthing breathing that I had practiced for so many months. Shaina checked me while I was in the tub, to “make sure I was at 10cm and ready to push), and she said “oh, her head is right there.” At this point I was on my knees with my head down, just trying to get into my zone. I remember telling Shaina “I am a numbers girl, how many contractions is this going to take.” She said I could get her out in 1, I said “ok, good, now that I know it is almost over I know I can do this.” It is kind of a blur everything that was said and done after this. I remember being really annoyed at Stephen and Shaina, because they were laughing, not at me, but at things I was saying. Stephen was probably teasing me, and I snapped at him stop laughing at me. I asked for my water and Stephen jumped up to go get it and I about had a cow because I didn't want Stephen to leave. I remember telling Shaina that I liked her, but I needed Stephen to not leave :). When Shaina came back I apologized to her because I thought that I was about to start cursing like a sailor. She laughed and said she has heard it all. I just didn't want her to think that I usually talk like that. I was also annoyed because Shaina told me I had to be on my back to push. This only annoyed me because I had seen a video of a friends water birth, she was so calm and relaxed—and on her knees that I had it in my head that it would be more comfortable. But birthing in a tub instead of a pool doesn't allow for that. 

Layla two weeks old.

 It was time to push, and all I can say is man, epidurals are amazing (I had one with Danny and didn't feel a thing). I couldn't really focus on pushing because the pain was so bad, but somehow I did pushed. **Side note, at this point I just wanted to let my body push her out, but I was pretty much being coached to push. I wish I had discussed with the midwives at the practice that I might want to just let my body do the work because I really didn't feel like I was pushing right, and I know she would have come out on her own if I just let my body do its job.** Stephen and Shaina kept trying to cheer me on, and to be honest, it annoyed me so much. I knew what I needed to do to get the baby out, I didn't need them to remind me. I wanted to tell them both to shut up, but of course I didn't. One push and Layla was right there, ready to come out. Two pushes and I asked Shaina if it was ok if I screamed, she said yes, I screamed. At first I was embarrassed to be screaming, and I never thought I would share with other people that I did, but it really helped me to focus on pushing, for some reason it was the release that I needed to actually push effectively. Three pushes and her head was out (I didn't know this), I asked if I could take a break and Stephen was like “Ella, her head is out, you have to push.” Four pushes and Layla Beverly made her grand entrance into the world at 11:22 pm, not even an hour after we arrived at the birth center.

According to the birth record I was checked at 11:10 and was 10cm, and began pushing at 11:15, so that long paragraph you just read was only seven minutes worth of real life.

Layla was immediately put in my arms where she decided to poop on me. . .at least she waited till she came out to do her business. It was so surreal holding her the second she was born. She was all wet and clean, and just kind of squirmed on my chest and let out a few little cries. She was perfect <3. After a minute or two Stephen cut her cord and took Layla so Shaina could help me get out of the tub and in bed.

It was such a surreal experience! Childbirth is an incredible and surreal experience no matter how it occurs, but for me, having Layla without medication, in a birth center, with just my husband and midwife there was such an incredible experience. The whole thing was just so real and natural. As incredible as it was, it was also no big deal. I had a baby, people have been having babies for as long as the world has existed, there wasn't any unnecessary hooplah. It was amazing.

The best part about the birthing center was that we got to go home almost immediately. We only stayed long enough for me to get myself together and have Layla checked out. We live about 30 minutes from the birth center and were home before 2am on Sept. 24^th.

I am so happy that I got to experience a natural birth like I so wanted. I doubted myself throughout my whole pregnancy because I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to do it, but I did and I am grateful.

Layla Beverly Bray Rice

7 lbs 5 oz 21 ½ inches

September 23^rd, 2012 11:22 pm

Lay Lay two weeks old.

Potty Training

We aren't exactly hard core potty training right now. With a new baby (the reason why I have blogged only twice in two months) it is nearly impossible to try to potty train Danny.

If Layla were the easy baby Danny was then it might be different, but this little firecracker of a baby girl is the complete opposite. She doesn't like to be left alone while awake, so when Danny would have loved to sit in the swing to pass the time, Layla will claw your eyes out if you so much as glance in the direction of the swing while she is awake.

She is her own little person with her own personality. I don't know why I thought she would be so much like her brother. She doesn't even like to nurse for any reason other than nourishment--Danny would nurse to calm down regardless of how long it had been since he had a full nursing session.

We, the four of us, are all starting to adjust and learn how to live as a family of four, where Danny is still king, but now we have a queen. We are even able to enjoy our little Layla now that she isn't nearly as fussy as she was for the first several weeks.

BUT. . .

If one other person points out that "I need to get that kid potty trained" I might be tempted to throw one of his dirty diapers at them. Obviously, I don't like wiping his butt anymore than the next guy, but it isn't as easy as people think. My son likes sitting in a dirty diaper, and until his sister learns to be a little more content on her own I can't exactly do potty bootcamp.

But oh the day will come. . .

I am still here, barely!

I am barely alive after the last month. Ok, so that is me being dramatic, but OMG, this little girl is giving me a run for my money!

She is so hard! Maybe she isn't that hard, through my complaining I have heard about some babies who really had a hard time in the first few weeks of life, I know I am lucky because Layla could be dishing it out more than she is. But wow, I knew Danny was an easy baby, but I didn't realize how easy he was until Ms. Layla came around.

Did you know that there are babies out there who aren't just happy with nursing and sleeping all day??? I didn't, I was so sure all of my kids would be just like Danny, nurse, sleep and be happy. HA. I always make big plans, and God always laughs at me.

I can't be mad at that face though. Layla smiled for the first time around 3 1/2 weeks. She is beautiful, and we are so blessed to have this little girl in our lives.

This is the first chance I have had to blog! I haven't even finished writing her birth story yet, and that is killing me. I feel so weird not having written, or read anything in a month.

Layla is starting to get used to life on the outside, I'm sure she will give me a break any day now.

Stay tuned for more thoughtful posts, a birth story and new pictures of my precious children.

Welcome, Baby Layla

Well, the little girl finally made her grand entrance!

Layla Beverly arrived four days late, on September 23rd, 2012 at 11:22pm. She weighed 7lbs 5 oz (exact weight as her older brother) and was 21 1/2 inches long.

I will post a birth story when I get chance to write it out. We are thrilled to have our baby girl home with us. Big brother Danny adores her, and tells me ten times a day "Laylay cute."

DH

I am part of what I like to call my "mom group." The ladies in the group of mothers that I know and love are amazing. We all come from very different backgrounds, but we have our kids in common. We have known each other for three years and have been through a lot together. These ladies have helped me through some hard times for certain. The best part about this group of moms is watching each others children grow up. We have kids the same age, some of us have older kids as well, or younger. We are able to compare experiences, seek advice, and bitch about things in our lives, without judgement. It is a beautiful thing, and I feel deeply blessed to have found these ladies.

Because a lot of our communication in the group is online we have several acronyms to make life easier. One of these is DH, which, depending on the mood, can stand for Dear Husband or Darn Husband. This post is about my Dear Husband.

He is often, in my mind, darn husband. Certainly not perfect, but then again no one is. I am not the kind of girl who raves about her husband to other people all the time (you know those people on facebook who wont shut up about how great they have it-I am so not that). But I am now inspired to rave about him a little bit on my blog.

This song, by Hootie, or Darius Rucker took my breath away the first time I heard it. It is perfect for my husband and I. There have been several songs that have come along that just speak to us as a couple (like our wedding song, Faithfully by Journey...that is for another post).

"We are one heartbeat in the darkness
We are one lasting answered prayer
We are one unbroken promise
And we are two true believers"

When Stephen and I met, we were both in bad places as far as teenagers go. We both needed something big to happen in our lives to get us on track and realize our potential. Neither of us was into drugs or anything, but we were not in good places in our hearts, and we will both remember that we didn't think we had anyone who cared. Then we found each other. I know he wasn't much of a person to pray, but I certainly was, and I prayed that I would find someone every single day, someone to love and who would love me back. He is my lasing answered prayer. Together we vowed to love each other, till death do us part. Let me tell you, the first two years of this was NOT easy. He was immediately shipped off to Japan and we saw each other about six times in those first two years. When he returned to the states we didn't know each other at all. He was thrilled to be home and I was thinking "what the hell did I do?" A few months of getting to know each other as if we were strangers, and a lot of reminding ourselves of the vows we took on our wedding day (in good times and bad, till death. . .) and we were so happy and in love again. 

"It wasn't easy getting here today
Sometimes you stumbled or I lost my way
But every roadblock was a chance to say;
Take my hand I'm here beside you."

Like I said, it wasn't easy, but here we are. This has been an incredible year for my husband and I. Really, the past two years were difficult, with me being in school and he working to become a police officer. We have struggled in many ways and had a lot of instability, but this year all the fruits of our labor were seen. I graduated from college and he became a police officer. We worked our butts off for this, and I can say, without a doubt, that I would not have been able to graduate without his support. Not only did he take over well more than his fair share of work around the house, he always told me I could do it, never let me doubt myself, and did so many extra things for and with our son to give me time to study and write papers.

This year has been an emotional roller coaster for sure. With both of us reaching really big goals that we worked on for several years, and with the loss of people who were once staples in our lives. We have learned who really loves us and who will be there no matter what. We have lost and gained people in our lives. Some of the losses have been devastating, but  my dear husband has always taken everything one step at a time and has never let anything happening outside of our intimate family have a great affect on him. He is so strong. When I am losing my mind and heart over something he is tough and gets us through. I don't know how he does it, but he does.

"We worked and made it through the toughest parts
Now every days another chance to start,
To look around and see that where we are
Is where we were trying to get to"

When he was in Japan for two years, and I was left behind we always said we were getting the toughest part of our lives over with early and there would be nothing but happy times afterwards. Maybe that is true, but the last two years gave us a run for our money as well. With all the bad, there has been good too. Like I mentioned we have reached goals that seemed impossible at times. We are adding to our family with our daughter (if she EVER decides to come), and we are watching our baby boy turn into a little boy. Nothing could produce more joy than seeing Danny grow up. Hearing him talk, say new words each day, play, imagine. . . everything. It is funny, even when things aren't perfect, they never will be, but we always thought that one day they would, right now I am looking around the world and my life and realize that where we are is right where we were trying to get to. 

We are two true believers. . . 

Hallelujah

Miracles happen to those who believe. . .

And just like that Danny is sleeping through the night!!

I don't even know what happened. We have been trying for a while, but nothing worked.

Danny has co-slept with us since he was six-months-old. Out of necessity we had to allow this, even though we weren't happy with it. When he was six-months we didn't have a room for him, so his crib was in our room. You can't exactly ignore a baby who wakes in the middle of the night when you are in the same room, the baby will NOT go back to sleep if he can see you. So there we were, co-sleeping. When he finally got his own room around ten months he continued to wake at the same time every night. I could have broken the habit then I suppose, but being a full-time student meant that I was completely exhausted, and frankly couldn't spare to lose any sleep at night trying to get him back to sleep.

Fast forward to graduation and the desperate attempts to get him to stop coming to our bed in the middle of the night began. I couldn't really imagine him coming to our bed while having a newborn and it not screwing up his schedule and making my life a living hell. He was stubborn, an in the last month I gave up. I pretty much decided that he could sleep in our bed till he was ten if that is what was going to happen. I would take it all as it came, but I was just too darn tired to keep trying.


And now he sleeps through the night. Other that one night in the last two weeks (after a nightmare) he came to our room. He loves to come get me in the morning and get praise for staying in his bed like a big boy. I don't know what changed for him, but husband and I are both thrilled, for obvious reasons. I feel better about life in general knowing that I can nurse our daughter all night (if she EVER decides to be born), without disturbing Danny and his schedule.

I will admit to being slightly sad. It is just another reminder that my child is growing up so fast, and doesn't need me in every little way. I know this is part of life, and I need to get over it, but I don't think it will ever be easy to watch my children grow up and begin to need me less and less.

Still pregnant. . .

So I am still pregnant. I am still a week away from my due date, but my midwife said to me several times in the last few weeks that I "wont make it to my due date." Because of that I have been waiting on pins and needles thinking that I would go into labor soon. But nothing. The other night, while trying to fall asleep I had three contractions that got me all excited thinking labor was coming, but then I fell asleep. Obviously it wasn't labor.

I do actually like, possibly love being pregnant, so I am not miserable. And with my husbands work schedule, it would be nice if girlfriend doesn't come until the weekend, but still, I am so excited and anxious to meet her!

In some ways it feels like I have been pregnant forever, since I got pregnant in January, it has literally been a whole year of baby making! It has been a great pregnancy over all, so I am thankful. I wont dare say it is my last pregnancy, I will truly be disappointed if we don't have more kids, but the only thing my husband and I have ever said for sure is that we will have at least two, we never wanted to have an only child since we are both one of five and know how important it was in our lives to have siblings.

38 Weeks

The above picture proves that my husband's photography skills are lacking. But whoa, look at that belly! Seriously, I can't believe how big it is and she isn't even here yet! If Danny points out one more time that I am "BIG" I might cry a little bit.

Please, little girl, come out and meet your mom, dad and brother soon. After having such a great pregnancy, with no diabetes, and testing negative for anything that would require I take an IV during labor, I would hate to have to be induced at 42 weeks simply because you are stubborn.

Prayers

Every night at bedtime we say prayers with Danny. It is part of our nightly routine, we never skip it. After dinner Danny gets a bath and plays a bit. We then brush teeth, read stories and then say our prayers. We are Catholic, but my family was protestant until I was about eight-years-old. That being said, we say formal prayers as well as prayers right from the heart. Danny is starting to memorize the Catholic prayers that we say, he says the words that he can, right at the appropriate time. It is so sweet to see and hear. He also remembers all the people in our family who we pray for, each night. If I say "bless uncle Bri Bri," he immediately says "Haley," because he knows we pray for them together.

It really warms my heart.

Danny has had a few nightmares in the past two months. Two nights he had what seemed to be night terrors. He woke up screaming, but I guess was still asleep because when we went in to check on him he tried to fight us off. One night this week he came to our room in tears. The next morning he told me, after I asked what scared him, that he saw a ghost. No more Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown for him. . .

The night after his first nightmare, after prayers I told him that if he ever gets scared he just has to say Jesus and everything will be ok. I told him if he says a prayer when he is scared then the scary thing will go away and he can go back to sleep.

Tonight, as soon as I closed his bedroom door he began to cry and came to his door. As I walked him back to bed I told him not to be scared, and that everything would be alright. I told him I was still home, just not in his room. As he laid back down on his bed he closed his eyes and said "Jesus, Jesus."

 It might just have been the most precious thing I have ever seen. Not only does it remind me that he is getting bigger and understanding so much of what I say to him, but it also showed me that he is such a sweet little boy, who is going to grow up loving God and having faith. I know I can't be sure that he grows up to be a "good little Catholic," but I can do my best to give him an example of that. I love that he is only two and knows to pray and ask for God's help when he is scared.

My only hope is that this kind of sweetness and innocence can stay with him, even if just a little bit, through middle school and high school, kids those ages are scary little monsters!